Hallo. Ok,I don't know who exactly I am saying hallo to but it felt like a nice way to start so,Hallo.I have just learned a lesson that I think I will now never forget.I love reading and I have been reading books that are challenging me big time.You know,challenging my belief system and way of doing things. I'm finding myself askking very difficult questions.Wanting to face my fears rather than run away from them.I can feel myself change and it's awesome.One of the books is actually challenging me to move away from what I have always known and come up with my own truths.Not to do things just because that's how they have always been done but to do something because I actually believe that is how it is to be done.It is working people.I realize there's a lot of freedom in knowing why you do some things or why other people act the way they do.Ever heard of hurting people will always hurt others?Well,if you take time to check out all the people who have hurt you will find either they were hurting at that particular or they have been hurt before and they did not know what to do with the hurt and so unconsciously they have given the wound some power and hurt is all they know how to do best.Once you know its actually not about you,it saves you the drama of retaliation and all.Back to my lesson.
People,if you want to change,do it for yourself.Do it because you want to become a better person for you and not for someone else.That is the disease I have suffered with for a very long time and I have just found the cure,stop trying to please people.This is one of those goals you will rarely,if ever,achieve!See,the problem with wanting to change so as to please someone is that most often than not,the targeted party will rarely notice it!Yeah,the sad truth.Know how if you have been a party girl and here comes your mum who has complained forever and then you decide to do it for her peace of mind?You stay at home every other Friday and she may actually fail to notice it but wait until you do something wrong,what?I don't know as human beings we are too quick to condemn the negative and even slower to applaud
the good?A million pound question.
So,I have a job.A job that I know many people would love doing and just to have something to do,I bet they would give it their all.Now,on other occasions,I would deny this vehemently but truth be told,I am spoiled!I am a little spoiled brat!There I said it.Not because my parents own I don't what,I'm just spoiled!I grew up in Eastlands.Wait,where I grew up has nothing to do with me being spoiled or not.I promise you.There are guys who sleep in money but they are the most grounded people ever.So,how again am I spoiled?Well,I am a control freak and quite manipulative.Oops!Did I just say that out loud?Well,I am.I like my comfort and I like being in control of things.I don't like being caught off guard.The only surprises I can handle are like a surprise birthday party but not taking me to a meeting I had no idea about!With such character traits,when things don't go as planned,i throw tantrums!Seriously.Only those who know me well enough will just look at me and wait for me to cool down but for those who don't know that,it scares them away and so they end up giving in to me.So,how did I get to talking about me and airing my secret weapons in public?
So,I have a job.I work for a relative.Someone very close and at times it's very easy to take things for granted.Ok,it always is easy to take things for granted and almost rocket science to appreciate them.I just don't get us human folk but its ok.So,here I am feeling all indispensable and irreplacable until I found out I was!Shock!A shock that startled me to want to do something about how I have been treating my work.Yes,I agree,I have been very sloppy.Not doing things as required,not handling all my responsibilities.I mean,I was basically just doing it like as if I was playing house aka kalongo.And my boss had had it with talking and I was told I have a month to straighten out or I will be shown the door and being shown the door had a lot of implications on my life as a whole so I had to do something quick and fast!Back to my books,I realized I was doing more of a de-service to myself than anyone else and so I purposed to do all in my power to become better.To improve my out put.To know that though we related,business is about sales,not relationships!So I called up a pal who does business consultancy and told him I needed to be saved!My ship was sinking faster than titanic and I needed a life jacket or else...there was no room for or else.
I was all excited.I have at least made a positive step.Accepting I know not much about the business I was handling.I was now ready to learn and I had someone ready to teach me.Perfect.So,I am here all excited and I decide to share my excitement with my boss.Let him know what I was up to.How I was making myself better for the company.Telling him my plans of equipping myself so that I can be of value.The least I expected was a nod of agreement or at least a comment like,'Good to hear that.Let me wait to be surprised by the new you'.You know,something to that tune;something encouraging but all I received was 'You have been told this before.Hope it won't cost me any cash'.I mean,I felt so dejected.I was in shock for a while.I'm thinking to myself,'Is it so hard to just acknowledge that positive baby step without criticism or a reminder of how pathetic I was?' And let me school you on something never give a compliment then follow it with a 'but'.The but cancels everything else you had said before.Give the compliment then look for a way to approach the negative.
My bubble had just been burst.I was high on cloud two on my way to cloud nine and now gravity felt like it had invited its relatives and together they wee pulling me down so fast....I had tears ready to fall.I felt like not going ahead with the project of making myself more useful.You know,pity party but then I remembered something I had read and I decided you know what,I'm going to do this for me.No one else might see the importance.No one may cheer me on,I will cheer myself.Because you see,at the end of the day,it's really more a gift to me than to my boss or the company.Sure they will enjoy the benefits but not as much as I will.See,I woke up one day after so many complains and it hit me what a poor job I was doing and that is not what royalty are about.And I am a princess and so I wanted to change that and live up to who I truly am but somewhere along the line,I chose to involve others and that almost led to my downfall because it hurt to not get that encouragement from where I was hoping I would get it.It hurt so much and I wanted to call it quits.I wanted to stop and started thinking,'Well,maybe I should just wait and get fired' but the small voice inside said no.She said,it's not for anyone that I should want to be a better person but myself because only I know what pleases me the most so it will be ABC,123,to please myself!
I put my hide up,straightened my shoulders,did first aid on my burst bubble(writing) and I was back in the air flying towards cloud nine!My boss may not want to know what I do.He may just want his sales to go up and not really be interested about how I go about that and it's ok.At the end of the day,it is his money that I was playing around with.So,I understand where he is coming from and after all the warnings,if I was in his shoes,I also would not care much probably.So,I decided to not let that stop me from achieving something for myself.So,I got my focus back and reminded myself I was not doing it for anyone but for me and as that,the pleasure will all be mine.
Don't change because of people because when they let you down;when they don't notice the change,you are pone to be broken and stop the process altogether thinking it doesn't matter.Know like if you decide to stop drinking because of your child and something happens and they die,believe you me,you will hit the bottle with new found strength,because your reason for quitting is no more and now you won't be as motivated but if you do it for yo,now that's something because you are stuck with you.Every time you look in the mirror,you will see your motivating factor,ie you.And you are stuck with you,even in death.You are important enough to want to be better for you.Let the rest enjoy the benefits but by all means be the one with the trophy.See like Rudisha,he has Kenya all proud but none of us come any where close to the pride that he has for himself,coz he is the one with the award.So,whatever it is you have wanted to do that you think will make you better,do it for you.Don't lose that weight so that he can notice you,lose it because it's healthier for you and it will make you feel good about yourself hence boosting your confidence level making you even more attractive.Don't go to college to please your parents or friends,do it for you.Picture just how it will feel you being in your office and calling the shots.In short,whatever you want to do that will make you a better person,do it for you because somehow,other than God,you are the only other constant in your life!
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