I heard over the radio one morning about a 25 year old married girl(she got married at 18)who's husband abuses physically.She said he did worse!That she knows he could kill her but she is going nowhere.She loves him.He is the first man she loved.I wanted to go where she was.Slap her to reality and get her out of that place by force but all I could do was just get angry and pray for moulding beauty's dream.
Many of us ladies in abusive relationships will tell concerned parties that they don't understand.They don't know just how this man is our oxygen and how we cannot possibly live without him.Wait?So,did he come and find you dead,like snow white,then by a kiss you came back to life and now you feel you owe him your life?Just asking.I guess I get mad about abused women who stay and stomach it because I sort of have an idea of what it's like to be used and abused.Now,abuse,whether it's from your man or friends is still abuse.Abuse cripples you.Abuse cripples then blinds you into believing that the abuser is your crutch,the one to support you.So you swallow the lie and you stay,because he or she is supposedly,the crutch you need,after he or she has broken you.
You stay because you believe that you don't deserve better.You stay because you are afraid of being alone.You stay because you think they will change.One day they will see the light,like Saul on his way to Damascus and they will be transformed to Paul and becoming loving and your prince charming...Seven years and still no change but you keep hoping.Yet when God asks us to wait for just a month or so,we are so agitated we go and do things our way.So why would you have so much patience with evil and not good?An abuser's strength is in knowing you are going nowhere.That's his spinach that gives Popeye muscles.And oh he will make sure you believe that.He will demean you by the name calling,by embarrassing you before his and sometimes your friends.He will do it so often that you end up believing it and once you believe it,it's like a spell.It's like you have been hypnotized and he is the one who has the magic wand!
So am I know advocating for a divorce?Not really.Just leave one day.Just pack your bags and leave.Go back to mama or somewhere.Just get out of that toxic place and don't tell him either.Or,you can leave him a note saying,"If you think I'm worth more than a punching bag,you will find me".It scares them I tell you.It causes a major shift in their worlds;an imbalance of sorts.They never saw that coming.They get angry.Very enraged.Because abusing you gives them some sort of power,now you have taken that away and they feel helpless.It will be hard but stay away.Give him space to think.Allow him to go through the motions of the emotions.Let him deal with his demons,away from you.And I promise you,the day you stand up for yourself,the day you will say enough is enough and not care if you will die single and just stand up for yourself.That is when your strength will come.That is when the spell will lose its power.That is when you will step outside and realize just how beautiful the sun feels on your skin after believing that it only burns you...It's like a breath pf fresh air and though you may have tears in your eyes,you will realize,there is a better world.
All you've got to do sweetheart is love yourself enough.Once you love yourself enough,you will know that you are worth so much more and that if he is too blind to see it,then he better go to hospital and get checked and treated and come back to you whole.Sweetheart,if you love yourself enough,you will not allow yourself to be some body's object,to be used at his convenience.When you love yourself,you will know what you deserve and that is nothing but the best and you will not settle for anything less.Set the standards for yourself honey.Let him match your game by upping his or let him walk.Confidence is sexy to men and only a man will approach a confident woman.A total man I mean.A man who knows his business.A man who knows quality when he sees it.A weak man will not dare come close to you and so you see,by loving yourself enough,you reduce the number of suitors and are left with those who will be able to handle you.
Don't let a man think that he is your everything.Don't allow him room to think that he can do anything and get away with it.Let him know though that you love and respect him but you would not think twice about walking out that door if he treats you any less than a princess because you are one.No I'm not talking about infidelity here.I'm mainly talking about physical which always leads to emotional abuse.You are worth so much more and oh how it breaks God's heart,when He sees you being treated like that.
Mine was not a man.Mine was by friends.Who treated me like a door mat.I had low self esteem.No I did not even have self esteem and so I needed someone else to define me.Someone else to give me worth.I did not trust God enough to do that and didn't I suffer or what?You know what they are doing is wrong.Other people see it and they tell you but you still stay.They go and trash your name,you get mad for a while,they pretend how sorry you are and because you are desperate and empty and fearful,you buy into the lie,knowing very well it is a lie.The tears I shed to God?And I love Him because He never left me.Every night when I called on Him to cry out my heart He was always there.He kept reminding me I was worth so much more but He never hurried me.He knew He had already planted the seed and now was just watering it and soon it would sprout.And sprout it did.One day I just stopped.I stopped hanging out with them.I walked away and guess what,I did not die.I'm still here and so much better.I had enough and they had taken everything.I had nothing to lose and so I walked.And to my surprise,there were so many lovely people who treated me so well I was wondering why I had wasted myself.Wow,it took a while to forgive them.But I don't want them as my friends.Acquaintance maybe but not my friends.
I have unfortunately,also allowed men to walk all over me.Mine has been the emotional kind.You know where you clearly adore a man but he will talk to you when he feels like?Eeehh,I also have a schedule.If I have to fit in yours then you will also have to fit in mine.At first you may not notice it but if you are a thinker like me.If you like analyzing things,then you are likely to catch on the trend before you get too involved.I always have time for you and when I don't,I make it but you,don't even make an effort.Well,if someone sees you as an option and you had them as a priority,it does not take forever to change those position.You don't need to go get an abstract.You just switch.It may take a while getting used to but with discipline to your new course,he becomes an option and before long,you don't even think about him any more.I have learned to embrace my mistakes and learn from them.I will tell myself"Girl friend you tripped...You liked him too much you almost did not notice..." And I will smile at my tripping,pick myself up,make changes and walk on.I'm not embarrassed to say I was a fool.I don't lick my wounds,I treat them.
Daily I am learning of my worth.Just how awesome and expensive I am.And daily I am letting go of people who don't see me as the princess I am.I do realize though that how the world sees me is a reflection of how I see myself.So I am upping my game.I ma saying that I will treat myself like the most precious stone ever,because I am.You will never find another like me so...I may fall sometimes.Like the other day I allowed you to treat me bad but my beauty is that I get back up and what does not kill you,makes you stronger if you choose not to let it break you.I don't pity party.OK maybe I do,alone but I am no longer afraid of my weaknesses.I flaunt them.Do what you will with them.You teach people how to treat you.So if you treat yourself well,others will follow suit.If you treat yourself like trash...don't expect the world to see you differently.
It all comes back to you.The ball is always on your court.Make the rules as you go. Remember,you are a jewel,you are treasure,you are one of a kind and you sine just as bright as the stars in the sky you're a rare kind of wonder created just right.keep your head up no matter the pain.there's nothing about you that's plain.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
IT'S OK
It's OK
That you are not perfect
That you have flaws
That you've got weaknesses
And once in a while,
Temporal insanity.
It's OK
It's OK
That sometimes you cry
And other times you laugh
It's OK
That many are the times
You don't really know
Exactly how you feel
It's OK
It's OK that you get mad
That life sometimes disappoints you
That loved ones hurt you
That others leave you.
It's OK
That you feel like
Screaming your head off
Maybe jump off the cliff
It's OK
It's OK
That you have fears
It's OK
That you feel insecure
It's OK
That once in a while
You get jealous
As long as Cain
Is not your role model
It's OK
That you feel threatened
That you don't want to lose
A treasure beyond measure
It did take long to find
It's OK.
It's OK
That you got rained on
That the sun is scorching
That the cold is biting
That the storms are raging
It's OK.
It's OK
That you are single
That no one has
Asked you out yet
It's OK
She does not notice you
That he sees you
Just as a friend
It's OK
To love another so much
That they never see it though
It's OK
That you will be
Alone on valentines
It's OK
It's OK
That you don't always
Know what to say
It's OK
That at times
You are a Blondie
It's OK.
It's OK
It's OK
It's OK.
Life was not made to be perfected
You were not made to be perfected
Perfection existed in Eden
We messes that up
But we are still OK
So many pressures of life
Leave us feeling so messes up
Simply because we not in line
With society's idea of the path
The path that should be followed
From being born to dying
This is the point I agree
Rules were made to be broken
We all are different
Not by mistake but by purpose
And design
God thought it through
And He settled on
Black,White,Hispanic
Tall,short,dwarf
Fat,thin,figure 8
Blue,brown,green eyes
Doctor,Cobbler,Chef...
The differences are endless
Your path is not my path
Don't despise me because
Yours is tarmacked.mine is dusty
You just never know.
Don't respect my profession
Respect the person I am
You realize as a lawyer
You need me as a messenger
To do your walk smoothly
And save on time?
If you thought your profession
Is more important
Try eliminating me from the chain
And see how well a professional you will be
With no one to do my work.
It's OK that we are different
Imagine if our flag was just black?
Boring.very.
So don't try to make a digestive
To be a creamed biscuit
That is not it's fate.
If you don't like krackles
I'm sure chiggs may appeal
To your taste buds.
I at times get lost in my writing
But my main aim for this was
It's OK that life
Has ups and downs
That it is not perfect
And the day you wake up and realize
And accept the fact that it is OK
That life is OK
That's the day
You will start living life
Like you don't care!
It's OK.
XOXO
MB
That you are not perfect
That you have flaws
That you've got weaknesses
And once in a while,
Temporal insanity.
It's OK
It's OK
That sometimes you cry
And other times you laugh
It's OK
That many are the times
You don't really know
Exactly how you feel
It's OK
It's OK that you get mad
That life sometimes disappoints you
That loved ones hurt you
That others leave you.
It's OK
That you feel like
Screaming your head off
Maybe jump off the cliff
It's OK
It's OK
That you have fears
It's OK
That you feel insecure
It's OK
That once in a while
You get jealous
As long as Cain
Is not your role model
It's OK
That you feel threatened
That you don't want to lose
A treasure beyond measure
It did take long to find
It's OK.
It's OK
That you got rained on
That the sun is scorching
That the cold is biting
That the storms are raging
It's OK.
It's OK
That you are single
That no one has
Asked you out yet
It's OK
She does not notice you
That he sees you
Just as a friend
It's OK
To love another so much
That they never see it though
It's OK
That you will be
Alone on valentines
It's OK
It's OK
That you don't always
Know what to say
It's OK
That at times
You are a Blondie
It's OK.
It's OK
It's OK
It's OK.
Life was not made to be perfected
You were not made to be perfected
Perfection existed in Eden
We messes that up
But we are still OK
So many pressures of life
Leave us feeling so messes up
Simply because we not in line
With society's idea of the path
The path that should be followed
From being born to dying
This is the point I agree
Rules were made to be broken
We all are different
Not by mistake but by purpose
And design
God thought it through
And He settled on
Black,White,Hispanic
Tall,short,dwarf
Fat,thin,figure 8
Blue,brown,green eyes
Doctor,Cobbler,Chef...
The differences are endless
Your path is not my path
Don't despise me because
Yours is tarmacked.mine is dusty
You just never know.
Don't respect my profession
Respect the person I am
You realize as a lawyer
You need me as a messenger
To do your walk smoothly
And save on time?
If you thought your profession
Is more important
Try eliminating me from the chain
And see how well a professional you will be
With no one to do my work.
It's OK that we are different
Imagine if our flag was just black?
Boring.very.
So don't try to make a digestive
To be a creamed biscuit
That is not it's fate.
If you don't like krackles
I'm sure chiggs may appeal
To your taste buds.
I at times get lost in my writing
But my main aim for this was
It's OK that life
Has ups and downs
That it is not perfect
And the day you wake up and realize
And accept the fact that it is OK
That life is OK
That's the day
You will start living life
Like you don't care!
It's OK.
XOXO
MB
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
don't waste your life....
OK Lord,I'm not mad at you or anything,I'm just a little overwhelmed.Another death within a week.Let's just say I'm not as strong as I think.It's hurting but it has me a little bit on an emotional roller coaster.I don't know what to think or feel really.
OK,time is running out.Definitely.For me,it feels like a warning sign.That it's time to put my best foot forward and play the game by the rules-His rules;God's rules.Time to start dreaming or continue dreaming.Heck,tomorrow is not in our hands.We do not have the luxury of pushing things that we can clearly do today to tomorrow or next week.Contradicting myself am I?I talk about dreaming then I keep you from looking forward to tomorrow?No.The two are totally different.Procrastinating is just plain laziness and irresponsible.Yes I said.It is.When you choose not to read for that exam,not because you can't but because you feel the t.v is more important.When you fail to call when you said you would not because you don't have airtime but,um,well...no reason at all.It's just us being spoilt brats.Those who think the world revolves around us.I mean seriously,what do we need to wake up?And what angers me more is that someone will read this,like it,comment on it but yet go back to living life like the king or queen we are not.Gosh am angry!Or maybe just scared,for myself really.I don't want to be on my death bed and regretting what I didn't do.The song unwritten,the missed audition,the words never said,the action never taken,i mean those things we just keep holding back for later....I think this is me reaching out.To myself and someone else interested,please don't waste your life.Please live today like tomorrow is not coming.Appreciate those around you.Be quick to forgive.I know that break up hurt.What,cheated on you?I'm not saying get back together.Just let it go and move on.Blame game,please.Gossiping,are you seriously that lame?I mean people,there is so much good for us to focus on than just hating and destroying each other.My Purple Butterfly left pieces of her in everyone ho met her.What do you leave in the people you meet up with daily?What if today was your last day,will people remember most about you?Answer that and work towards it daily....I can't write any longer...
OK,time is running out.Definitely.For me,it feels like a warning sign.That it's time to put my best foot forward and play the game by the rules-His rules;God's rules.Time to start dreaming or continue dreaming.Heck,tomorrow is not in our hands.We do not have the luxury of pushing things that we can clearly do today to tomorrow or next week.Contradicting myself am I?I talk about dreaming then I keep you from looking forward to tomorrow?No.The two are totally different.Procrastinating is just plain laziness and irresponsible.Yes I said.It is.When you choose not to read for that exam,not because you can't but because you feel the t.v is more important.When you fail to call when you said you would not because you don't have airtime but,um,well...no reason at all.It's just us being spoilt brats.Those who think the world revolves around us.I mean seriously,what do we need to wake up?And what angers me more is that someone will read this,like it,comment on it but yet go back to living life like the king or queen we are not.Gosh am angry!Or maybe just scared,for myself really.I don't want to be on my death bed and regretting what I didn't do.The song unwritten,the missed audition,the words never said,the action never taken,i mean those things we just keep holding back for later....I think this is me reaching out.To myself and someone else interested,please don't waste your life.Please live today like tomorrow is not coming.Appreciate those around you.Be quick to forgive.I know that break up hurt.What,cheated on you?I'm not saying get back together.Just let it go and move on.Blame game,please.Gossiping,are you seriously that lame?I mean people,there is so much good for us to focus on than just hating and destroying each other.My Purple Butterfly left pieces of her in everyone ho met her.What do you leave in the people you meet up with daily?What if today was your last day,will people remember most about you?Answer that and work towards it daily....I can't write any longer...
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Status quo 1
My teenage hood is a time I would love to forget.To erase it and have no memory of it whatsoever.From fake friends to threatening notes.I mean,it is a time I would just want gone but again God causes all things to work for good and yeah,some of the things I know now would be rocket science if I had not gone through those horror-like experiences and I don't fancy horrors!
It is not until the other day that I realized just what a big lie my life has been and I am glad I found that out because now there are changes to be made.Where I got messed up is my form two to four.I was a new student,and a beautiful one at that and I had no idea that my beauty caused so many insecurities.Now,this is the diagnosis that was arrived at,not by me but well...
I don't know where I went wrong but I joined drama club and the first outing I went for,the rumors that were born from it,I laughed them away.Now I am quite bubbly.I talk a lot and I like to think myself interesting and friendly oh and beautiful.I am probably being too much you think.Flaunting my beauty all over your face?That is not my intention.I won't apologize though,for something that I had no say over.I was not asked for my ideas when I was created so if you have a problem,take it up with God,not me.I am proud of my looks,I have to admit.I like it that I make heads turn.I do and that is the truth of the matter.Only that it went a little too far when those heads turning became my measuring sticks....
I think I will start with the horror before I move to the betrayal.A new student hated with so much hatred that I was threatened to be burned and poisoned.I was called all kinds of names and now I may be agree with my doctors that when I fell ill it was all psychological.What are you to do when you know not who your friend is,when your name is destroyed in a new school,when you become famous for all the wrong reasons?The whole staff of teachers knew who I was.And all these in my first year in the school.The principal I believe hated me.Her name was dragged in the whole mess and she has never felt so disrespected.Of course I was the victim but the teachers silently believed that I just love boys,which is true to some extent but not the way they understood it.
I was hated!The kind of hate that could kill you.The first was a note posted on the school notice board saying how I had sex with a preacher!On the school's notice board!If that was not enough,letters in my locker calling me a lesbian,a devil worshiper.I was advised,in the anonymous letters to go back to the school I came from.I was told I would be poisoned and I remember my class teacher making fun and telling me to make sure I rinse up my utensils before use.I did not understand what I had done so wrong that would make someone hate me so much.The next note was a threat of me being burned and that evening it so happened one of the bulbs in my class was faulty!
From there,I became the boyfriend snatcher!Me who had no boyfriend,maybe that was the problem?That I did not have a a boyfriend.A girl once confronted me as to why I was communicating with the boyfriend,who I had known not through her,who yes had tried hitting on me in her absence and who no,I was not interested in.She even told me how I was prettier than her and how she could not compete with me and how I should leave his man alone.My motto in high school concerning guys was "NO DATING".I couldn't stand having a boyfriend who I could only see during school functions and only communicate with via letters.That for me was not an appropriate way for going about a relationship so I kept off.Another low on my side was my flirty nature.I flirt a lot,till date but I am trying to cut down on that.But wait,how am I to know that someone is another's man if they don't tell me?Last I checked,I was no angel neither was I a psychic so really,your man flirting with another lady is the problem,not the lady herself,if she does not know!So I was a favorite topic.Ever on my high school's tabloid.And that broke me.It messed me up.Many would tell me how strong I was.Many would tell me how if they were in my shoes,they would have transferred;that was not an idea I could entertain,nor my family so I had no choice but to survive it.I ended up with some crazy complications.My doctors said it was my way of seeking attention and I remember the cruel words my principal spoke when they took me home because now I couldn't walk and it pained me so much.Maybe it was true,That somewhere deep inside,attention is what I sought.My teenage hood was messed by people who had their own insecurities and I so wish I was stronger.I so wish I has fought back but when it feels like the world you are living in is against you,the much you can do is cringe.
The masks I wore...Every morning I had a new one.I stopped living.I simply existed.I was so lost.I had no self esteem but outside I portrayed a picture of she who had together.God is the one who knew me because every night I would take off the masks and I would cry at the real me.At how hurt and injured and broken she was.I thank God I was saved.That I knew God because with all the pills I had,If God had not been by my side...
If that was not enough,those I thought were my friends,stabbed me in the back so many times.I had no self esteem.I had no self worth.I had no self respect.I hated myself and so I stuck with they who pretended to be friends yet treated me like doormats because I thought I was not good enough for anyone to want to be friends with me.Some cared enough to try and tell me that I did not need some people but they did not understand the emotions going on inside of me.They did not of my fears.They did not know the brave girl they were saying was all an act and that if I was to be challenged I would just crumble.So crap I took.The time I stood up for myself it was long after the damage was done and now i figured I had lost all I could lose and had nothing more to lose so what the heck.I decided even in my pathetic state,I could do without them and that I did.People,it is important to know who you are,to be proud of who you are no matter what anyone else thinks.Times that belief is what will keep you from drowning...like I did.
So,that is high school in brief.My worst years ever but also some of my good ones.I met some awesome people and they were my roses in the midst of my thorns but God was my hero and He still is.
It is not until the other day that I realized just what a big lie my life has been and I am glad I found that out because now there are changes to be made.Where I got messed up is my form two to four.I was a new student,and a beautiful one at that and I had no idea that my beauty caused so many insecurities.Now,this is the diagnosis that was arrived at,not by me but well...
I don't know where I went wrong but I joined drama club and the first outing I went for,the rumors that were born from it,I laughed them away.Now I am quite bubbly.I talk a lot and I like to think myself interesting and friendly oh and beautiful.I am probably being too much you think.Flaunting my beauty all over your face?That is not my intention.I won't apologize though,for something that I had no say over.I was not asked for my ideas when I was created so if you have a problem,take it up with God,not me.I am proud of my looks,I have to admit.I like it that I make heads turn.I do and that is the truth of the matter.Only that it went a little too far when those heads turning became my measuring sticks....
I think I will start with the horror before I move to the betrayal.A new student hated with so much hatred that I was threatened to be burned and poisoned.I was called all kinds of names and now I may be agree with my doctors that when I fell ill it was all psychological.What are you to do when you know not who your friend is,when your name is destroyed in a new school,when you become famous for all the wrong reasons?The whole staff of teachers knew who I was.And all these in my first year in the school.The principal I believe hated me.Her name was dragged in the whole mess and she has never felt so disrespected.Of course I was the victim but the teachers silently believed that I just love boys,which is true to some extent but not the way they understood it.
I was hated!The kind of hate that could kill you.The first was a note posted on the school notice board saying how I had sex with a preacher!On the school's notice board!If that was not enough,letters in my locker calling me a lesbian,a devil worshiper.I was advised,in the anonymous letters to go back to the school I came from.I was told I would be poisoned and I remember my class teacher making fun and telling me to make sure I rinse up my utensils before use.I did not understand what I had done so wrong that would make someone hate me so much.The next note was a threat of me being burned and that evening it so happened one of the bulbs in my class was faulty!
From there,I became the boyfriend snatcher!Me who had no boyfriend,maybe that was the problem?That I did not have a a boyfriend.A girl once confronted me as to why I was communicating with the boyfriend,who I had known not through her,who yes had tried hitting on me in her absence and who no,I was not interested in.She even told me how I was prettier than her and how she could not compete with me and how I should leave his man alone.My motto in high school concerning guys was "NO DATING".I couldn't stand having a boyfriend who I could only see during school functions and only communicate with via letters.That for me was not an appropriate way for going about a relationship so I kept off.Another low on my side was my flirty nature.I flirt a lot,till date but I am trying to cut down on that.But wait,how am I to know that someone is another's man if they don't tell me?Last I checked,I was no angel neither was I a psychic so really,your man flirting with another lady is the problem,not the lady herself,if she does not know!So I was a favorite topic.Ever on my high school's tabloid.And that broke me.It messed me up.Many would tell me how strong I was.Many would tell me how if they were in my shoes,they would have transferred;that was not an idea I could entertain,nor my family so I had no choice but to survive it.I ended up with some crazy complications.My doctors said it was my way of seeking attention and I remember the cruel words my principal spoke when they took me home because now I couldn't walk and it pained me so much.Maybe it was true,That somewhere deep inside,attention is what I sought.My teenage hood was messed by people who had their own insecurities and I so wish I was stronger.I so wish I has fought back but when it feels like the world you are living in is against you,the much you can do is cringe.
The masks I wore...Every morning I had a new one.I stopped living.I simply existed.I was so lost.I had no self esteem but outside I portrayed a picture of she who had together.God is the one who knew me because every night I would take off the masks and I would cry at the real me.At how hurt and injured and broken she was.I thank God I was saved.That I knew God because with all the pills I had,If God had not been by my side...
If that was not enough,those I thought were my friends,stabbed me in the back so many times.I had no self esteem.I had no self worth.I had no self respect.I hated myself and so I stuck with they who pretended to be friends yet treated me like doormats because I thought I was not good enough for anyone to want to be friends with me.Some cared enough to try and tell me that I did not need some people but they did not understand the emotions going on inside of me.They did not of my fears.They did not know the brave girl they were saying was all an act and that if I was to be challenged I would just crumble.So crap I took.The time I stood up for myself it was long after the damage was done and now i figured I had lost all I could lose and had nothing more to lose so what the heck.I decided even in my pathetic state,I could do without them and that I did.People,it is important to know who you are,to be proud of who you are no matter what anyone else thinks.Times that belief is what will keep you from drowning...like I did.
So,that is high school in brief.My worst years ever but also some of my good ones.I met some awesome people and they were my roses in the midst of my thorns but God was my hero and He still is.
STATUS QUO
So why is it that we live life in fear?Why is it that we say what we don't mean,do what we don't want?Why do we feel the need to be approved by someone else for us to feel worth something?Why so much pain within us and so much pretence as each morning we put on masks to hide our true selves from the public and act like we are different people?What is this need we have to be liked by everyone,yet even Christ Himself,was not accepted,approved,liked by everyone.He is perfect but still even that perfection was not enough for some of us.So what makes us think that our imperfect,flawed selves can be loved by everyone
For those of you who know my writing,I usually write from personal experience.Something that in one way or the other has affected me directly or indirectly.I think Lady Vio,will be a part of my life forever and she will appear in enough of my writings because she,at her death,made me realize the lie my life has been.I don't know how but somehow her life's battle after the accident just awaken something in me and I am glad it did.Discover your Destiny by Robin Sharma has also been challenging me.I found myself asking some very difficult but right questions.It is important for one to ask some questions.Find out why you do things the way you do them.Is it because that is how you were taught or is it because that is what you strongly believe in.As Robin sees it,some of the things we do simply because that is how we were taught to do them.Children are the most free of the human race.They are the most perfect.Children live the truth.Children do what they want,when they want,how they want and care nothing about what society thinks.A child will get away from its parent and run to the front of the church where the Pastor is and sit on the stairs there looking at him!We will laugh sweetly at such an action before the mother is asked to go get the child and somewhat they do it with embarrassment written all over their faces.Her very conscious of the eyes and the child very unconscious of everyone else.I think in a child's world,it is only they that exist.The rest of the world does not really matter.A child will walk naked and not feel anything.You as an adult may feel a little bit embarrassed but the child...After God's love,a child's love is the next purest perfect love.A child just loves.It does not care if the mother is a prostitute or the father a drunkard,it loves without conditions.I know my child hood days are my best days ever because indeed I had no worries and pressures like I do today.What mama chose for me to wear,I believed it was smart and I cared not.As a child,there are just so many joys of life and life is always full of color,never black or white or gray.It is always a rainbow of colors.And I miss that color.I miss that hearty laughter.I miss the smile.I miss the freedom.
I can't say when exactly I lost it.The freedom to be me but I lost it somewhere.When I started being conscious of those around me.When I started seeking approval.That is when I lost my authenticity and started becoming like everyone else.Getting comfortable with being average,not wanting to ruffle feathers in my quest to be different,yet different is how I was created.Different is how my Creator made me.I was not made to be like anyone else and so that is why my efforts to deny myself are so frustrating.Some things just don't work in a different environment but somehow this adopting thing has been taken too far that today I can adopt to not being the best me because everyone else around me is not being their best them.
All pioneers are people who walked away from the crowd,from the status quo and went in search of the greatness that lay within them.All pioneers are people who dared to walk where no one else had walked and live a trail.They refused to be mediocre.They refused to listen to what society was saying and they decided to make their own rules.As long as no law was broken and no one got hurt but it felt right to them,they went ahead and did what their hearts wanted.How many pioneers do we have?Very countable.And why is that?Because we are all busy trying to fit in tis little box that society has created for us.And who again is society?Who are these who decide what goes and what does not?Who gave them the authority to decide how far one can jump?Isn't it just you and me?Aren't we the ones who make up society?So we make rules to govern ourselves only they are rules of imprisonment.Rules that drain the color from our lives.And we are left with just black and white and gray.And in the name of adapting to our environment we live sad lives...
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari is an awesome book.Julian Mantle,the man by society's rules had it all.The money,the fame,you name it.He lost his family though and his health and that led to him losing his career.He was reduced t choosing between his life and his career.He chose life and resigned from being a top shot lawyer and he sold everything he had and headed to India.His transformation is awesome.He gets to learn what is really important in life and status quo is not one of them.The day you get comfortable with your true-self,that is the day you will start living life.
For those of you who know my writing,I usually write from personal experience.Something that in one way or the other has affected me directly or indirectly.I think Lady Vio,will be a part of my life forever and she will appear in enough of my writings because she,at her death,made me realize the lie my life has been.I don't know how but somehow her life's battle after the accident just awaken something in me and I am glad it did.Discover your Destiny by Robin Sharma has also been challenging me.I found myself asking some very difficult but right questions.It is important for one to ask some questions.Find out why you do things the way you do them.Is it because that is how you were taught or is it because that is what you strongly believe in.As Robin sees it,some of the things we do simply because that is how we were taught to do them.Children are the most free of the human race.They are the most perfect.Children live the truth.Children do what they want,when they want,how they want and care nothing about what society thinks.A child will get away from its parent and run to the front of the church where the Pastor is and sit on the stairs there looking at him!We will laugh sweetly at such an action before the mother is asked to go get the child and somewhat they do it with embarrassment written all over their faces.Her very conscious of the eyes and the child very unconscious of everyone else.I think in a child's world,it is only they that exist.The rest of the world does not really matter.A child will walk naked and not feel anything.You as an adult may feel a little bit embarrassed but the child...After God's love,a child's love is the next purest perfect love.A child just loves.It does not care if the mother is a prostitute or the father a drunkard,it loves without conditions.I know my child hood days are my best days ever because indeed I had no worries and pressures like I do today.What mama chose for me to wear,I believed it was smart and I cared not.As a child,there are just so many joys of life and life is always full of color,never black or white or gray.It is always a rainbow of colors.And I miss that color.I miss that hearty laughter.I miss the smile.I miss the freedom.
I can't say when exactly I lost it.The freedom to be me but I lost it somewhere.When I started being conscious of those around me.When I started seeking approval.That is when I lost my authenticity and started becoming like everyone else.Getting comfortable with being average,not wanting to ruffle feathers in my quest to be different,yet different is how I was created.Different is how my Creator made me.I was not made to be like anyone else and so that is why my efforts to deny myself are so frustrating.Some things just don't work in a different environment but somehow this adopting thing has been taken too far that today I can adopt to not being the best me because everyone else around me is not being their best them.
All pioneers are people who walked away from the crowd,from the status quo and went in search of the greatness that lay within them.All pioneers are people who dared to walk where no one else had walked and live a trail.They refused to be mediocre.They refused to listen to what society was saying and they decided to make their own rules.As long as no law was broken and no one got hurt but it felt right to them,they went ahead and did what their hearts wanted.How many pioneers do we have?Very countable.And why is that?Because we are all busy trying to fit in tis little box that society has created for us.And who again is society?Who are these who decide what goes and what does not?Who gave them the authority to decide how far one can jump?Isn't it just you and me?Aren't we the ones who make up society?So we make rules to govern ourselves only they are rules of imprisonment.Rules that drain the color from our lives.And we are left with just black and white and gray.And in the name of adapting to our environment we live sad lives...
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari is an awesome book.Julian Mantle,the man by society's rules had it all.The money,the fame,you name it.He lost his family though and his health and that led to him losing his career.He was reduced t choosing between his life and his career.He chose life and resigned from being a top shot lawyer and he sold everything he had and headed to India.His transformation is awesome.He gets to learn what is really important in life and status quo is not one of them.The day you get comfortable with your true-self,that is the day you will start living life.
MY HEART'S DESIRES
I am scared of being me
Scared of spreading my wings
And soar the high skies.
I am scared of being different
Scared that the me inside
Will go against the status quo
I am scared of letting go
That maybe I will fall
Scared of letting love
What happens if it hurts?
I need to pour out my heart,care not if you will love me still or not.I am tired of playing life by society's rules.Tired of being told what I can and cannot do.What is appropriate and what's not.What is in fashion and what is out dated.What business is it yours anyway,if i choose to dress in a bell-bottom.As long as I am not naked,should it really matter?
There is so much inside of me.So much that I want to share with the world but there is also so much fear inside.Fear of whether my dreams will come to materialize but then again,who's to decide that if not me?See,if I have a project that is growing stale with each passing day.I want to bring back smiles to the faces of the IDP's of Kenya.I want to do something for them.Maybe just go visit and chat with them,especially the young ones.To hears them out.Find out their dreams and see how I can bring back hope to them.I realize,I don't have the right to forget them.I don't have the right to turn my back on them and act blind all because I have a roof over my head and even after the post elections,my life is still moving on.I refuse to be OK with it while they are out there in tents,some not even done with the trauma.Some who still have sleepless nights.I refuse it with all my strength.Deep inside my plans are great.And with Vio gone,I realize its never too early to do something and maybe I should call the project Lavender Smiles.She had the most beautiful smile ever and her departure reminded me I don't actually have forever.So,I want to do this.And this time I will start.I will take the first step and find out how many they are.Find out which area I can start working with.The ones badly off first.I will turn this dream into a reality and anyone who reads this,I allow you to be my accountability partner.To keep asking me what I'm doing.The progress I have made.I will do this and yes with your help,Lavender Smiles will touch lives.
Cancer is next on my list.A dear friend is fighting cancer.And I have watched a few cancer movies and I kid you not,cancer is a monster!Have you ever heard of treatment making you sicker?That is exactly what chemo does for you.The pain is unbearable and anyone fighting cancer is a hero for it not child's play.No.I watch extreme makeover-home edition and one of the families chosen had an eight year old child who is suffering from cancer.It hit her when she was six.She fought it and had gone into remission-this is when like the cancer cells have somewhat disappeared and now that she was eight,it was back.When they found out,the girl cried to her mama and asked her to let her die.She was scared of the path she knew she had to walk because she had been there before.The chemo and radiation and losing of hair,it all was too much for her and she felt,at that moment,that death would have been fairy land.She cried a lot for a week or so before she embarked on the fight.At eight,she has a blog,where she communicates with other young cancer patients.She donates toys to the paediatric wing for cancer every now and again.At eight and do you know what she said keeps her strong and going,prayers.Now that would break any one's heart.Yet there are so many,so many with the disease.In the States it is the number one killer,in Kenya,it is the third and is competing for the top slot and the way it is menacing,it might just get there.Cancer is painful.I have only read and heard and seen but I kid you not,you wouldn't wish it even on Osama.Not until someone close to me was fighting it did I get passionate about it.There is something that is stirred within you when its someone you know who is going through something and not just someone out there.Stand Up to Cancer is an initiative by the celebrity world in States to try and raise funds for research on cancer treatment that is not as painful and a possible cure.I was amazed when I watched it,to find out how many of our favorite holly wood stars have actually survived cancer.Cancer does not choose.And it is October,can we all go get tested?It is easier to fight it if detected early enough.Love yourself enough to just go get tested.
Now I am emotional...I don't know how but somehow I want to help bring this monster down.I want to...can I take time from my supposed busy schedule and go visit someone suffering from cancer?Just to sit there and let them know someone cares?Can I get toys and go visit the children fighting cancer,I mean,they should be fighting in their video games not on the hospital bed...Can I just choose to make a difference?Yes I can.And I will.
You can join in for there is strength in numbers.You can look for your own cause of humanity and go change the world.Help someone else be a little bit more comfortable than they are.You can make the difference.
Scared of spreading my wings
And soar the high skies.
I am scared of being different
Scared that the me inside
Will go against the status quo
I am scared of letting go
That maybe I will fall
Scared of letting love
What happens if it hurts?
I need to pour out my heart,care not if you will love me still or not.I am tired of playing life by society's rules.Tired of being told what I can and cannot do.What is appropriate and what's not.What is in fashion and what is out dated.What business is it yours anyway,if i choose to dress in a bell-bottom.As long as I am not naked,should it really matter?
There is so much inside of me.So much that I want to share with the world but there is also so much fear inside.Fear of whether my dreams will come to materialize but then again,who's to decide that if not me?See,if I have a project that is growing stale with each passing day.I want to bring back smiles to the faces of the IDP's of Kenya.I want to do something for them.Maybe just go visit and chat with them,especially the young ones.To hears them out.Find out their dreams and see how I can bring back hope to them.I realize,I don't have the right to forget them.I don't have the right to turn my back on them and act blind all because I have a roof over my head and even after the post elections,my life is still moving on.I refuse to be OK with it while they are out there in tents,some not even done with the trauma.Some who still have sleepless nights.I refuse it with all my strength.Deep inside my plans are great.And with Vio gone,I realize its never too early to do something and maybe I should call the project Lavender Smiles.She had the most beautiful smile ever and her departure reminded me I don't actually have forever.So,I want to do this.And this time I will start.I will take the first step and find out how many they are.Find out which area I can start working with.The ones badly off first.I will turn this dream into a reality and anyone who reads this,I allow you to be my accountability partner.To keep asking me what I'm doing.The progress I have made.I will do this and yes with your help,Lavender Smiles will touch lives.
Cancer is next on my list.A dear friend is fighting cancer.And I have watched a few cancer movies and I kid you not,cancer is a monster!Have you ever heard of treatment making you sicker?That is exactly what chemo does for you.The pain is unbearable and anyone fighting cancer is a hero for it not child's play.No.I watch extreme makeover-home edition and one of the families chosen had an eight year old child who is suffering from cancer.It hit her when she was six.She fought it and had gone into remission-this is when like the cancer cells have somewhat disappeared and now that she was eight,it was back.When they found out,the girl cried to her mama and asked her to let her die.She was scared of the path she knew she had to walk because she had been there before.The chemo and radiation and losing of hair,it all was too much for her and she felt,at that moment,that death would have been fairy land.She cried a lot for a week or so before she embarked on the fight.At eight,she has a blog,where she communicates with other young cancer patients.She donates toys to the paediatric wing for cancer every now and again.At eight and do you know what she said keeps her strong and going,prayers.Now that would break any one's heart.Yet there are so many,so many with the disease.In the States it is the number one killer,in Kenya,it is the third and is competing for the top slot and the way it is menacing,it might just get there.Cancer is painful.I have only read and heard and seen but I kid you not,you wouldn't wish it even on Osama.Not until someone close to me was fighting it did I get passionate about it.There is something that is stirred within you when its someone you know who is going through something and not just someone out there.Stand Up to Cancer is an initiative by the celebrity world in States to try and raise funds for research on cancer treatment that is not as painful and a possible cure.I was amazed when I watched it,to find out how many of our favorite holly wood stars have actually survived cancer.Cancer does not choose.And it is October,can we all go get tested?It is easier to fight it if detected early enough.Love yourself enough to just go get tested.
Now I am emotional...I don't know how but somehow I want to help bring this monster down.I want to...can I take time from my supposed busy schedule and go visit someone suffering from cancer?Just to sit there and let them know someone cares?Can I get toys and go visit the children fighting cancer,I mean,they should be fighting in their video games not on the hospital bed...Can I just choose to make a difference?Yes I can.And I will.
You can join in for there is strength in numbers.You can look for your own cause of humanity and go change the world.Help someone else be a little bit more comfortable than they are.You can make the difference.
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