My teenage hood is a time I would love to forget.To erase it and have no memory of it whatsoever.From fake friends to threatening notes.I mean,it is a time I would just want gone but again God causes all things to work for good and yeah,some of the things I know now would be rocket science if I had not gone through those horror-like experiences and I don't fancy horrors!
It is not until the other day that I realized just what a big lie my life has been and I am glad I found that out because now there are changes to be made.Where I got messed up is my form two to four.I was a new student,and a beautiful one at that and I had no idea that my beauty caused so many insecurities.Now,this is the diagnosis that was arrived at,not by me but well...
I don't know where I went wrong but I joined drama club and the first outing I went for,the rumors that were born from it,I laughed them away.Now I am quite bubbly.I talk a lot and I like to think myself interesting and friendly oh and beautiful.I am probably being too much you think.Flaunting my beauty all over your face?That is not my intention.I won't apologize though,for something that I had no say over.I was not asked for my ideas when I was created so if you have a problem,take it up with God,not me.I am proud of my looks,I have to admit.I like it that I make heads turn.I do and that is the truth of the matter.Only that it went a little too far when those heads turning became my measuring sticks....
I think I will start with the horror before I move to the betrayal.A new student hated with so much hatred that I was threatened to be burned and poisoned.I was called all kinds of names and now I may be agree with my doctors that when I fell ill it was all psychological.What are you to do when you know not who your friend is,when your name is destroyed in a new school,when you become famous for all the wrong reasons?The whole staff of teachers knew who I was.And all these in my first year in the school.The principal I believe hated me.Her name was dragged in the whole mess and she has never felt so disrespected.Of course I was the victim but the teachers silently believed that I just love boys,which is true to some extent but not the way they understood it.
I was hated!The kind of hate that could kill you.The first was a note posted on the school notice board saying how I had sex with a preacher!On the school's notice board!If that was not enough,letters in my locker calling me a lesbian,a devil worshiper.I was advised,in the anonymous letters to go back to the school I came from.I was told I would be poisoned and I remember my class teacher making fun and telling me to make sure I rinse up my utensils before use.I did not understand what I had done so wrong that would make someone hate me so much.The next note was a threat of me being burned and that evening it so happened one of the bulbs in my class was faulty!
From there,I became the boyfriend snatcher!Me who had no boyfriend,maybe that was the problem?That I did not have a a boyfriend.A girl once confronted me as to why I was communicating with the boyfriend,who I had known not through her,who yes had tried hitting on me in her absence and who no,I was not interested in.She even told me how I was prettier than her and how she could not compete with me and how I should leave his man alone.My motto in high school concerning guys was "NO DATING".I couldn't stand having a boyfriend who I could only see during school functions and only communicate with via letters.That for me was not an appropriate way for going about a relationship so I kept off.Another low on my side was my flirty nature.I flirt a lot,till date but I am trying to cut down on that.But wait,how am I to know that someone is another's man if they don't tell me?Last I checked,I was no angel neither was I a psychic so really,your man flirting with another lady is the problem,not the lady herself,if she does not know!So I was a favorite topic.Ever on my high school's tabloid.And that broke me.It messed me up.Many would tell me how strong I was.Many would tell me how if they were in my shoes,they would have transferred;that was not an idea I could entertain,nor my family so I had no choice but to survive it.I ended up with some crazy complications.My doctors said it was my way of seeking attention and I remember the cruel words my principal spoke when they took me home because now I couldn't walk and it pained me so much.Maybe it was true,That somewhere deep inside,attention is what I sought.My teenage hood was messed by people who had their own insecurities and I so wish I was stronger.I so wish I has fought back but when it feels like the world you are living in is against you,the much you can do is cringe.
The masks I wore...Every morning I had a new one.I stopped living.I simply existed.I was so lost.I had no self esteem but outside I portrayed a picture of she who had together.God is the one who knew me because every night I would take off the masks and I would cry at the real me.At how hurt and injured and broken she was.I thank God I was saved.That I knew God because with all the pills I had,If God had not been by my side...
If that was not enough,those I thought were my friends,stabbed me in the back so many times.I had no self esteem.I had no self worth.I had no self respect.I hated myself and so I stuck with they who pretended to be friends yet treated me like doormats because I thought I was not good enough for anyone to want to be friends with me.Some cared enough to try and tell me that I did not need some people but they did not understand the emotions going on inside of me.They did not of my fears.They did not know the brave girl they were saying was all an act and that if I was to be challenged I would just crumble.So crap I took.The time I stood up for myself it was long after the damage was done and now i figured I had lost all I could lose and had nothing more to lose so what the heck.I decided even in my pathetic state,I could do without them and that I did.People,it is important to know who you are,to be proud of who you are no matter what anyone else thinks.Times that belief is what will keep you from drowning...like I did.
So,that is high school in brief.My worst years ever but also some of my good ones.I met some awesome people and they were my roses in the midst of my thorns but God was my hero and He still is.
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