LOVE GONE WRONG.

A man found murdered in his own house. The suspect is a man who was jealous of the close friendship that this man had with his girlfriend....

We have heard such cases before. Even the Bible talks about a man's jealousy.It is one of the things that leads men to do the unthinkable so woe unto you if a man finds you with his woman. No I am not trying to justify and actually this a plea to the women more that to the men. Know your man very well. If he tells you he is not comfortable with a certain male friend of yours,do not take it lightly;do something about it because the next thing may be a dead corpse of your friend! You can tell a controlling man from the word go.W e all are jealous but others more than some. It feels good for your partner to ask 'who was that you were talking to?' but when they start obsessing about it,eh,you will need to decide if your friend is safer being your friend or not.

Now,this is totally wrong.It is barbaric even but there are some of us with issues that cannot be absorbed by tissues( this must be my best rhyme for all time...lol) Learn to choose your fights.No one is perfect,the whole world knows that but as my friend once told about politicians,you choose the one with the lesser evil. Choose the weaknesses you know you can live with. And please do not cheat yourself that you will change the said person,you won't.Only God and the person themselves can do that.
Ladies,do not be blind while dating.Have both eyes wide opened and notice everything! Once you get married you can become blind.You do not want to spend the rest of your life with shock absorbers ever ready because you now start seeing the true colors,once the whole lovey- dovey business is up.Breaking a relationship is way much easier than a marriage so,be very careful and real with yourself.

Guys,you cannot go roughing every other guy who talks to your woman,even if they hit on her.You heard me right.The same way you find her beautiful is the same way the rest of the world does,get a hold of yourself.Just because the Bible recognizes the danger of a jealous man who finds the wife in bed with another man,the same Bible has a commandment against murder and talks highly about self control. So,your actions will not be justified oh yes,and there is the law,whose hands are apparently very long,not forgetting your conscious.

Trust is not a luxury when it comes to relationships,ok to successful relationship.It is a very necessary ingredient.Remember,if you do not trust your partner,you are simply subscribing to drama every single day of your life and thus end up dying a very pre mature death.You won't keep other people from hitting on your partner and the like.You need to trust your partner enough to know that they love you and only you and they will always do what is right and if ever what is right to them is not you,release them and let them be,you will find yours.Easier said than done,I know but possible.

The right thing....

So,I love it when I make tough right decisions.You know when everything in you wants to take a certain route,while everything in you knows that route is wrong,and you struggle with it for a while and then you like sober up,get straight and real with yourself and choose to do the right thing despite all the other pressures?I don't know about you but it always leaves me feeling super awesome!And that's the feeling I am having today.I chose the right thing.And I will stick to it.You do not need to know the details...just know doing the right thing,going against your desires and doing what you know your mama would give you a hug and go like 'That's my baby',is difficult but awesome.No guilty conscious just you enjoying life as it is.....

Constant

My confidence must be in God more than it is on anything or anyone else.Words from a book of Joyce Meyer's that I am currently reading,The confident woman.It talks about believing in oneself as a woman and believing in God.To concentrate on the opening words now.This comes after Joyce at some point thought what would happen to her Ministry if her husband was to pass on and God spoke to her heart and told her that she would continue doing what she is doing because it is He who holds her up;God and not her husband Dave.

That spoke to me.How we feel life cannot move on if a certain person or certain people are not around.How we feel we will die,if our loved ones died and some of us actually stop living when that happens and just exist,because they have attached their existence to certain individuals.And a lot of us do that,consciously or unconsciously.We have become dependent on our fellow human beings,completely that we forget that it is God who holds us up.That those people are God's way of touching our lives directly.It's like we end up loving the creation more than the Creator.

I have had someone in my life who I believed was my everything and I would dread just the thought of her not being around.I wondered what I would do without her.It was so much that God had to open my eyes and make me see what was happening.She was almost like a god as she had taken God's place in my life.I cared more about what she thought than anyone else,and when God sensitized my heart to that,I saw how true that was and I had to retrace my steps.I did and I realized,she is a blessing indeed but that if something were ti happen to her,God is very much able to bring someone else my way who will provide me with whatever it is that i would be in need of.

All the people who touch our lives are God's representatives in our lives and that is what we should always have in mind.Every single day.One of my favorite quotes of all time goes like 'Don't cry coz it's ending,smile coz it happened'. This you can apply to every aspect of your life and it helps you a lot of bitterness,if you ask me.And as the wisest man who ever existed said,you should always remember that life is full of seasons.There is time for everything.Today you're celebrating a graduation,tomorrow mourning the death if a loved one.That is just the cycle of life and once you accept it,it makes life a lot easy.It helps you remember that nothing is permanent.Even those beautiful moments.Even babies with their cuteness grow up and times you wish they could just remain as toddlers...

Well,this is just a reminder than other than change,God is the only other Person who is constant.The same yesterday,today and forever.He does not change and that's for sure and that is the one thing we should always remember.That no matter what season we are at in our life,God is the same God,who was with us during the good and He will be with us during the bad and through every season and every point of our life.He never leaves nor forsakes us.We always need to remember this at whatever pint of our lives we are.

Just a reminder that we should always remember that us and God,that's a crowd.That God is the only one we really truly need.The people in our lives are blessings but that if they are to leave,as human beings always do,we should remember we will be ok because the One who blessed us with the one who left is faithful enough to bless us with another one.

To our hero,Prof Wangari Maathai,you were a beautiful flower that released a beautiful scent while you lived.R.I.P.

decisions

Le Crae sang it.that our identity comes from God.that is our true identity.that any other would only self destruct.i have searched comfort and sanity and purpose and identity and love and acceptance and so much more all in the wrong places.i mean i know God holds holds the answers but somehow i keep running away from Him you'd think He is toxic,well he is but in a good way.i know he has the others but i don't seek him.i am busy running around in circles and unfullfilment is where i always end up.a lot of dissatisfaction and the interesting thing is that i know what i need to do and God does too and is waiting for me to decide but i am still dilly dallying.holding in to stuff that don't really work yet still holding on.i need to make a choice and soon and of course the right thing is always difficult to choose but i gotta make a choice...

PIECES OF ME

I am in a bus heading to work.Between me and anything else,I only have Kshs. 80 now if your currency is in dollars,currently in my country,that's less than a dollar.So,I know how I will get to work but have no idea how I will get me back home.But I prayed in the morning and I asked Jehovah Jireh- the Lord Provider to come through for me.
As I am heading to the stage,I meet a friend of mine who,when we get to the bus,decides to sit on a seat behind me and then asks me quite loudly enough if he can pay my fare.A little embarrassed, but I agree because that right there is money I have saved.The woman next to me looks at me funnily and I can only imagine what went through her mind....

Fare paid and the journey begins and my mind gets busy with thoughts.I wished I had a way of putting down the thoughts but well,wishing has never amounted to much really.And I look at my lovely handbag,it is actually lovely.I bought it from a young lady who is deaf and dumb.For once,I did not bargain...This is the same bag I have been using for the past number of months.I have another,but it's a little too big for daily use so it is used once in a while and I think to myself,how I can't wait for that time when I will have a number of bags at my disposal.Maybe,I actually don't want a whole closet of bags,just enough for me to know I have options.Options are always good. And this thought sparks a dozen other little thoughts....

I do not come from a rich family,though growing up,I never did lack the basics of life and a few luxuries here and there.My parents retired when I was 14 and moved up country.I was from then on brought up by my older siblings,mainly my sister,she is one of my heroes,my icon and role model,all wrapped into one.She is one of those people you would encourage young girls to look up to.She is a lovely person really and I am blessed to have her as my one and only sister.Back to the richness and all.I think like Paul I can say that I know what it is to have plenty and to almost have nothing but the one thing that has always remained is that God has always been faithful.And I have learned the art of contentment.

You will realize,there is no specific flow of thoughts.But if you read my work by now you probably know that...So,my mind still taking me through a number of thoughts,I come to this part which I am the least proud of...For much of my teenage hood,I sought approval and mainly it was from men.I had a low self esteem and my second high school seemed to fuel it as I faced a lot of hatred from the girls.I don't know why,I never understood but I was a victim of gossip and malice and I think it was so much that I got to a point I started thinking there was something wrong with me.The tears I cried...God only knows.Anyway,I barely survived it and on leaving high school,I had such a skewed image of myself and the first man who showed interest in me won a jack pot of sorts,me.Actually it was more of a black pot because I was so messed up,only God knew.And that opened a can of wrong relationships.I was in them for the simple reason I felt I needed another human being for me to be alive.I got to a point where I started to receive healing and was able to break the cycle of relationships and kept off dating for a while but my need for approval kept appearing once in a while.The next level of it was me wanting to be identified with certain people because I thought that gave me some sort of importance.And thank God for my beauty.Seriously,it has won me sittings with some high and mighty people in society and when I would tell my friends about my encounters,it was more to make them think I am on point because I'm balling with high rollers but as Solomon said,it was all in vain.I know a few who saw me when they wanted to and didn't treat me like the princess I am but I stayed because I was getting some sort of satisfaction from the fact that they had my numbers but God keeps telling me I am better than that,if only I can see me through His eyes,I would never be anyone's doormat...

I have a boyfriend now.A man who loves and adores me and I think at times I have to pinch myself to make sure it is real.That someone actually loves me and they are not just using me but they actually care.He is amazing and I can promise you,I keep reminding me that this is real and he is mine and I don't have to do anything drastic to get his attention or anything.Given,there's a lot of work to be done.More by me than he because he knows who he is and what he wants.I am still finding that out for me but at this point,I know I would love to grow old with him by my side.I have so many scars that at times make me hold back but it's a fight I intend on winning so hey...if he is mine,he will be there when I cross the finish line;when my insecurities surrender to my freedom.I do love him for he has shown me what true love is and well...I don't know if this will rub him off the wrong way.He is a pretty private person and I on the other hand,I am a writer and for writers,your experiences make for the juiciest stories but I will respect him and keep him out of my words as much as possible,unless and only if,he gives me the permission to do so.I just had to let you know that I have something good going for me.That there is usually a light at the end of the tunnel and the sun does rise again,no matter how long the night is.

My mama is another one of my heroes.She once was a tailor and I can assure you I loved it when she would come up with something for me.There were these petty coats that she loved making for me.They were a cute blue and I think made if cotton so that I could wear them like sun dresses,only indoors,in the name of fitting.Now I know why blue was my favorite color,sky blue to be specific.I loved coming home from school and get her home with tea ready and some warm water for me to bath.I guess that's why when she moved upcountry when I was 13 it hit me so hard.I love her you know.I'm not sure if she did finish her schooling or not.She is about 63 now.For a long while I was bitter with her because I thought she didn't love me when she left but through some small acts here and there,I no longer doubt her love.And maybe we cannot sit down and talk with her about the latest fashion but she is my one and only mama and for that I will love to eternity.I think at times as children,we are so self centred,we never stop to think just how hard it is for our parents sometimes.We rarely stop to appreciate them because we are busy thinking of what we don't have and blaming them,times because they can't afford what we want.I remember this one time in high school.It was visiting day and my mama came with a black paper bag.In it she had minimal supplies for me.nothing fancy.A tube of toothpaste,tissue and the food she had cooked for me.Things were tough that she couldn't cook enough for us to eat so she just brought enough for me.And looking at how other students had bags and bags from the supermarkets,she told me not to worry that she couldn't afford all that.And my heart has never broken and hurt so much like that.I told her just seeing her and spending time with her was more than any amount of money could buy and that I understood and knew that if she had the means she would have but for now,I was ok with what was there.I may not know exactly but I believe it hurts a parent so much when they cannot give the best to their children.So,do not think for a minute it is easy on them.It bothers them but they wear a brave face for our sake and maybe shed a few tears in the privacy of their rooms,praying that we will make something better of ourselves and get more out of life than they were ever able to give us.I know I can never be grateful enough but mama,I love you so much and for the times I expected perfection from you,I apologize because now I know better and I know your love for me is true and unconditional...

What about my father,you may be wondering.Well,he is around and he has turned out to be one of my best friends.Well,the man has a lot of wisdom.He advices me every so often and he wants the best for me.I think at times parents mess up and they don't know how to get back to being parents again and it breaks them,not knowing how re- relate with their children.My dad has messed up here and there,but again,who hasn't?And there is this specific incidence that he said some things that made me cry so much but he was drunk so hey...and mama was there to tell me not to keep them in my heart and I remembered one of John Carson's preachings where he says that we are to honor our father and mother,whether they are the best or the worst,we are to honor them because,it is not they who wrote or spoke that commandment but it is God and so we are to obey God,even when it does not make sense because he knows best and there are rewards of obeying him so when it gets difficult,just remember it's about God and not your parents.I was able to forgive him and we have a beautiful relationship now.

Like Martin Luther,I have a dream and mine is simple.That I will live in love,live to love,that love will be my only debt to anyone.That happiness will forever be a part of my life,that I will thrive to be my best and keep the art of being content.I have had a lot of ups and downs and I know they will always be there but I am happy with my life.With all the drama,I would never change me for another.

I currently am working at an advertising agency and you better watch out because there are some deadly adverts coming your way...I am extra ordinary and with God blessing the work of my hands,just watch this space.

Mad love.

xoxo

MB.

changes....

so,hi,i want to put some direction in this blog page of mine by handling different issues on different days of the week.i'm very good at breaking rules but we will see if we will be able to obey....
Monday - Monday Blues
Just from the weekend this will be for any highlights that happened over the weekend and anything that is considered blue..

Tuesday - Professional Tuesdays
today,i will share the much or little knowledge i have gathered so far from my experiences and those that i am still getting to learn and those that i learn from others like books and stuff.

Wednesday - Spiritual Wednesday
This will be for words of inspiration from the great book,The Bible and from my experiences and from what i heard on Sunday or something.it will be a day for communing with the Supreme Being.

Thursday - Social issues
maybe i should say socio-economic-political issues.yeah.stuff that are within these boundaries shall be covered on this day

Friday - Relational Fridays
mhmm,if you are a kenyan we call it furahi day.it has graduated from members day.anyway,today,i shall be writing about relationships.with family,friends,enemies,colleagues and that one person who makes our heart skip a beat or go paragasha!i shall share from my many experiences and other peoples and from wherever basically.

I hope that for you who are frequent readers of my blog,you will get a lot more out of it now.that it will at least be worth your while,for stopping by to read.oh,and if y'all can comment with whatever remarks,i would appreciate.feedback is key to growth.

have a lovely evening/day,depending on which side of the planet you are,

humbly
MB.

issues with me

I have struggled with self esteem for a while.Wait,is it that or self image?I'm not sure.Something to do with not feeling good enough,wanting to be like so and so because you feel their lives are way much better than yours.Yeah,its been a major battle for me and though I have come a long way,I still find myself going back to the battle field every once in a while.I have to remind myself that i am ok just as i am.that we all have our paths that are all different and so none is better than the other,only different.I look at some of the girls my age and i am left in awe.they seem to have achieved so much,yet i still am struggling.i wonder,'do their days have more hours than mine?'i feel inadequate.i have never felt un pretty,but of little worth,yes.And this because i mistake my identity to be what i am instead of who i am.see,you are who you are,i am who i am.we are where we are,because of the circumstances that we have met with and how we have handled them.we go through similar experiences but because we are different,our reactions are different and every choice we make leads to another step,a certain direction.so we never can be the same nor can we be better than the other person because we all have our different battles to fight and our back grounds vary hence shaping us into the people we are or how we think.there is a lot that usually goes into someone doing things the way they do.we just never have time to find that out and hence end up making un informed decisions.
I am imperfect.totally.i got flaws,from here to 100th floor but even in my imperfections i am ok.God died for me in this imperfect state of mine,and if he could find something to love than imperfection isn't the worst thing that could have happened to me.today i made a choice,not to compare me with anyone else.me the who,not me the what.the what can always be compared because it can always be changed but the who cannot.the who is my dna.that which flows in my veins and that cannot change.i need to learn to separate the two then i guess i will be ok.
perfectly imperfect and proud.

dressing the part

I woke up today,to the new house I moved to,on the floor,of course on a mattress and trying to come up with an out fit,from the suitcase,which has not yet been unpacked proved to be a very daunting task.I came up with is something I would rather not wear to the office but it is semi casual so,i settle on it coz time also was not on my side.I have cool bosses who do not emphasize so much on the dress code,as long as you are presentable but I am reading a book that advises to dress for the job i want not the one i have.I noticed something,that when I am well dressed,it makes me more confident.And I want the power suits kind of dressing.I want that professional look.The suit,the stockings,the hills(not necessarily) but you know what I mean.I want to look like an executive someone.The way you look determines a lot how people will treat you,so I want to make it a point to always look my best.Got to open an account for that now,i guess...

Word for today,God or the world

Morning.It's a beautiful cold morning in Nairobi Kenya but I am surviving.So,I got this new job,where net is free,totally awesome.Means I will be writing more,especially now that we are not that busy.
I have decided to start a column called word for today and it will be me sharing my Bible Study lessons with you.I hope you will be blessed and encouraged.Oh,you can check out my other blog,imperfectous.wordpress.com.I have chosen to dedicate that to poetry only.
Word for today is from 1 John 2:15-27.Talks about love for the world and love for God.
We cannot serve two masters at a time.We have to choose which one to be loyal to.God and the world are opposites of each other and both want different things and demand different things.Both demands are hard at times but i have come to learn that whatever God asks of us is ultimately for our good.Like His rules and commands are all for our benefit.The world on the other hand cares not about you and me.It just has its rules and if you do not follow you are branded shady and some other names but it really does not do anything to honestly improve your life.
So we are born in this world but we are not of this world ie,as believers of Jesus.We are just passers by but we tend to get comfortable,too comfortable I should say,that times we end up surpassing the world people,beating them at their own game.There is need for a difference.Between a born again someone and one who is not.When those difference cease from being and its not because the non believer has converted,then there is an issue right there.
So,a lot of us decide to do double standards.One foot here and the other one there.Problem is these are the people God says he will spit out of his mouth.Now,I don't know the implications and im not sure I would like to find out.Isn't it hard though,living two different lives though one and truth is,it will catch up with you and you end up losing both.
Make a choice.Choose who it is you want to be associated with and stick to your choice.If you are a Christian,living a double life,ask yourself why?Find out what is still holding you back?What is this that you just can't let go?What is its advantage to you?Is it worth your life really?Be honest with yourself and make the choice that will work for you best.That which you will be able to live with for the rest of your life.
God or the world?

Every exit,an entrance to something else.

What is that i am passionate about?like really?i am the kind of person who when i get passionate about something,i can defend it with my life.So what am i passionate about at this point of my life?I care about giving.I wanna make a difference in the world around me.How?I have advised myself time and time again only i have never started and it hits me I will have me to be embarrassed at,on my death bed as I reminisce on the difference I would have made if only I had taken the step.
I am scared.Nothing new.Fear never accomplished anything though so clearly I'm in the wrong camp.So,how do I get out?By taking a step of faith.By taking action.By doing something.It may not seem as much now but Rome was not built in one day.I have a dream.A dream to impact the youth in my country and ultimately the world over.I have all these ideas that I think are great but as long as they do not say the light of day,they are as good as dead.I'm starting to think God will stop giving me all these great ideas and start giving them to someone who will actually do something about them.I do not want that.I know I have what it takes.Act is all I need to do.Face fear in the face and smile as I walk past it.
There was a girl who said she was thinking of committing suicide because her boyfriend had left her.Haven't we all been there?At the point where a relationship died and we felt like we have died with it?The point we felt like the sun would never rise again or we would never be able to smile again?And for the ladies,we shed tears(at least for those of us who are highly emotional) and we never thought that our eyes would dry up?I mean,we have all been at this valley.When someone we would have 'caught a grenade for' just walked out of our lives,either because of a mistake we felt we could work through or without an explanation whatsoever.And we mourned.And we did a lot of things that now we look back at and laugh.Because we are now either married to our soul mates or going out with the most awesome person ever and you wonder why you spent all that time mourning?But mourning is good.I think it's healthy,just don't let the emotions get the best of you because emotional decisions rarely bear good fruits.
There is a quote that says,'don't cry coz it ended,smile coz it happened,'but it is difficult right?To smile in the midst of a heart break?Well,i think whoever came up with this is one of those people who look at the glass as half full instead of half empty.Admit that you will miss the person and the moments you shared and be honest enough with yourself to know you will never share what you did with anyone else.Be grateful for the good times and have Karen's attitude,from Big brother Amplified,that people are always somewhere for a reason and a season and when both run their race,not even tears can bring them back.It is not easy but it all starts from the mind.The attitudes that you have towards life.What is that they say,'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?'And does not feel like that at the moment of the end of something beautiful but hey every exit is an entrance to somewhere,so smile.You can shed a few or a lot of tears,but don't let them drain you.Pick yourself up and remember your worth and happiness are not tied to any specific person other than yourself.Do not allow someone to stop your life while theirs is continue.Let go as soon as you can,it's a favor to yourself then move on.
I like how,at times I start writing on one thing and end up with a totally different story.I guess writing is one of my passions.But honestly,I will think and pray about it and I will let you know what I come up with in terms of my humanitarian efforts are concerned.

Ciao.
MB.

my low self esteem reservoir

You actually don't need anyone to like you.You only need to love yourself and the rest will sort themselves. MB
A quote I just came up with in the middle of my evening tea and me thinking about certain people who say we are friends yet I seem to be like a stalker in their lives as I can write five texts with no response or call and they don't pick yet when I call with a different number they pick up.I have for the longest time lied to myself that I am just a nice person who understands people and today,while taking tea,it hits me like lightning,that my persistence comes from a place of insecurity.Wanting to be liked by all I say a word to and hence going to very low levels just to appear like the kind of person you would want in your life.
I have an amazing man.I mean,he is helping me re define myself in an amazing way that makes me love him the more.Had a date with him yesterday and he mentioned something to do with my excessive communication being read as desperation or stalking.It was not easy to hear,tough love they call it but hey,its making me better so I will swallow my pride and work on it.
I have been a victim of low self esteem.Been there,done that,got a t shirt ain't proud to wear it but yeah.And i thought I was passed it but clearly,I just had it made up for it to look less ugly than it really is but I never really dealt with it. Why do I say this?When you hold on to friend/relationships that only you are putting any effort in,there is something very wrong.It's the manifestation of the saying 'Don't make someone your priority while you're just an option'.Hard as it is,this is what I have been doing and it ends here!See,that quote above,makes a lot of sense to me now.We struggle so hard to make people like us and it's not like they will add any value to our lives.Now don't get me wrong,but you can't tango by yourself.Cannot happen and when you find your partner not there on the dance floor with you,and he/she can dance,it simply means that enjoy dancing with you and no matter how great you are,if they don't feel you,they just don't feel you.Let it go and move on.It is ok.You don't have to be close with the entire world.You can be acquaintances with some and it is all good.I mean,even Jesus had close friends among his disciples so you see,you can't click with everyone.
A very important lesson.You need to be comfortable in your own skin and not allow anyone to take that away from you,ever.You need to be your number one fan.Know yourself inside out.Know your strengths and weaknesses.This helps you to know what you can and cannot handle and allows you not to feel guilty when you say no.God is the one and main Person whom you need to work so hard to please.The rest,well,do your thing and let it be their issue to take up with themselves if they don't like what you're doing with yourself.Of course,there are boundaries.As long as what you are doing is legal.
It ain't easy.Especially if you don't think you have what it takes,when you doubt yourself.But I can assure you,God did not give you the spirit of fear neither does he enjoy you being a door mat.If it's love you're looking for,turn to him and let him love you beyond what you ever thought possible.Easier said than done,right?Well of course but again nothing good comes easy and you coming from a life of bondage to one of freedom is something good for your mind,body,spirit and soul so hey,go for it.You will live a happier life that way.
I stopped this business of saying it's difficult and it's hard and I nowadays tell myself 'You know what life is difficult.Most of the things we do are difficult so don't tell me what I know.All I need to know is,is it possible?If it is,that's where I will put my focus!'So,have a meeting with yourself.You do know you can't lie to yourself,right?Get real with yourself and face your fears and weaknesses head on.That's the only way to deal with them.Analyze your life subjectively,and since here we are talking about loving oneself,and being comfortable in ones skin,find out the reason behind your actions.Answer the question,'why?' for the things you do and find out if it is all coming from a place of some dark fear and if it is,deal with.Not the easiest thing to do but you will be doing yourself a big favor.
I have shared one of mine with you.Holding on to people who let me go a long time ago or who never even held me.And I have realized it comes from this well of low self esteem that I had once dug but never covered properly and now that I know this,I am working towards changing it and thus the quo9te above.Of course knowing that just as much not everyone can like me,not every one can hate me also.So it's balanced.And from today on,I choose to focus on those who actually like me.Those who are glad to be my friends and don't find me too much.I will focus on them and build on what we have and the rest,well,I promise to say hi when our paths cross on the street.I promise.
Love yourself.You are worth so much more.

Over and out!

MB.

First steps.....

Progress made.Had a talk with my sister.got to know where she is coming from and what her thoughts are and that information has so helped me and now I know what direction to take with my three month probation.I'm gonna make SMART goals.Specific.Measurable.Attainable.Realistic.Time Bound.I'm going to up my game.Not going to talk about it much other than here.I want people to feel and see the difference,not me talk about it.So,my sleeves are rolled up and change is on the way.
First stop.
Attitude Change.
I am working on my attitude.I am letting go of the past.It's not doing anything for my present nor my future.Oh,yeah,its doing something,messing them up.That's not what I need.So yeah,what happened happened,I can''t do much to change that so I'm packing my bags and shifting.I am moving.I will only look at my past when I am looking for lessons learned in a certain situation.I will not use it to cripple me or to make excuses why I am not doing what I need to be doing.I am taking responsibility.Accept when I am wrong and just take up responsibility.
Step two:life does not revolve around me.Not everything that happens is about me.I have been too self centered and the problem with that is that you end up noticing even things that need not to be and you make a big deal out of everything,even an ant hill turns into a huge impossible mountain.I have lost the respect and possible support of some close people and I plan to get that back.I have to humble myself and play by the rules and things will work smoother.I have been operating on emotions and I need to start using my mind to think.
So,a lot of decisions to be made and i know i will make it.
Toodles
Yeah,name for my blog page.
I shall call her Beauty.

CLEANING UP MY CLOSET:TIME TO GROW UP,LET GO AND MOVE ON.

So,I have a lot of thinking to do like within a three month period and I'm not sure where to start but I will figure it out.So,i have a lot of growing up to do.I have had major drama in my life,given and I have figured,drama is like the spice of life and it will always be around so my best move would be to just let go and move on.I have been playing the victim card for way too long and I'm allowing the past to mess with my present and almost blur my future and so I need to get a grip of things,deal with them,clear up my closet and start a fresh.
I have a man who loves me so much.How do I know?well,he is completely honest with me.He tells me the truth about stuff,even those that are scary.Even the truths that threaten to break and mess things up,he says them and I love him so much for that and I can assure you,tough love makes you grow.It makes you wanna get better.It makes you do things you didn't think you could do.Tough love is good.It does not feel like it when its being said but hey,it always does work.I have a girl friend from hell,i think,for the past 6months and I need to clean myself up,not just for him but more importantly for myself.I have decisions to make;a lot.About where I want this life of mine to head and it's a little scary.Walking towards unfamiliar grounds but hey,no one has ever died from it.At least I do not know anyone who has died from them.So I will be fine.
I love my best friend.She opened this blog page for me.She is the other human being who gives me tough love at times I feel she knows me better than I know myself.And it is good.It is healthy.To have such people in your life.Because when you feel you cannot move another inch,they will be there to tell you you can because they know you so well that they know what you can and cannot do.I am glad I have this blog.For the next three months it will be my best friend.I am glad that not many people read it because some things are best done under cover.While I know there are people who check it out.And if you read this forgive me for calling you random.I do not know you though and that makes it easier for me to just write without the worry of who's reading and what they are thinking.This is a journey that is long over due but hey,better late than never and so I'm packing up and gearing up for it and this time round,no matter how hard it gets,I shall not stop or turn back.This is it.This is the fight for my life;for my future.If it's got to be,it's up to me(sky dancers say that whenever they are going to fight skylux.or some other danger)So I am excited.I know I have the backing of the most important people to me so I am great.
Let me go back to my current obsession,Private Practice.Catch up with you later and maybe,just maybe,I shall name my blog page so I can refer to it(haven't decided if its male or female) whenever I come to write.
Toodles.
P/s:no numbering the days.No keeping a record,just writing.

I'M SORRY

I barely slept last night
I kept turning and tossing
I wanted to call you
I knew you wouldn't pick up
I texted you
Knowing full well
You wouldn't reply
I know I hurt you
By my words and actions
Probably you just need time
To cool and calm down
And I miss you terrible
I long to hear you call my name
To look into your eyes
Feel the love in your touch
But I won't push you
As painful as it is
Take the much time you need
I will wait
I will do my time
I hope you will
Find it in your heart
To forgive me
And come back home.

Moving,judging,etc etc

Wow.I actually love the poem iv just written about being hurt and letting go.Kudos to me.It's been a while since I wrote something and was proud of.This I am.I shall submit it and see if it will be picked for the performance.
I need to move out from one my next of kin's house.I think my life is too social to be handled by anyone else but myself.Like,I don't have an issues with getting home at 10,as long as I was not doing anything fishy and I have means to get there safely.But that's just me.So,I am looking for a house,left right centre and whichever other direction one can look.I need to move.One of my downfall is my lack of decision making.I am quite indecisive.Times when I see it,then I'll know that's what I want.Right now,all I know is I want an affordable house somewhere within nairobi.I know,i'm terrible but is ok coz Jesus loves me anyway!
I listened to Joel Osteen on Sunday and he was all about not judging other people because you never know where they are coming from that our work is to love each other back tot wholeness because truth is we always need each other at some point.We all have moments when we want someone to just understand us.Not question just understand.He also said,when we make judgments,we usually only have one side of the story.When we flip the coin,we usually are embarrassed of what we had said or thought earlier.
I am trying to practice this.I am currently not whole myself,but I have friends who are helping me with that.I can help someone else though.I am not completely broken down.I still have strength to uplift another and I'm also planning to learn how to keep my comments to myself unless they are really helpful or at least until I have seen both sides of the coin.It is difficult because it is always much easier to talk someone down but it's possible to also just have positive thoughts towards ithers and when the negative ones come,you just stop them before they mature.It is hard work but nothing good ever comes easy right?

I think I will write a book of how just to hang in there and know that every storm that comes our way will always pass.Nothing in this world is permanet.Even the good times don't last forever so.....

I love that I can write.I love that God created me in such a way that I would love writing.It helps me stay sane.It helps me sift through things.It just is a part of me that i so love.Hmm...hope reading through my blog page actually adds some value to your life...coz me writing fills me up so much.
Later.

you hurt me...but i let go

I got this title from poetry spot of All Saints Cathedral.It is an amazing topic I believe because we have all been hurt.Some we have let go of,others,we still old onto lest we forget what was done to us and fall in the same trap again.Now,I have become a quite poor writer,a week can go by without a meeting between my pen and my journal.Not good at all.Not even healthy but I am changing.I will make it my goal to write something every single day so God help me please.

Here I am once again
At your graveside yet again
How many years has it been?
I lost track of counting
It has been a while though
I now I'm almost getting married
I am engaged actually
To my prince charming
He is imperfectly perfect for me
Someone actually loves me
Not for anything more than who I am

It's funny though
You always made me feel incomplete
Like there was something I was missing
You treated me so badly,
I didn't know what it was
To be treated like royalty
That's how he makes me feel
Beautiful and precious
The very things you robbed me off.

When I met him,
I didn't give him attention
He was one of your species
I cared less
Yet,no matter how cold I was
He seemed to get warmer
I couldn't understand why
He later told me it was my eyes
He saw something in them.
I went and looked at my eyes
I stared at the mirror for such a long time
I didn't see anything

I pushed him away
But gently he stayed on
He was a puzzle to me
You made me believe
I could interest none.
But you were wrong
And I'm so glad you were

I accepted one of his many date invitations
No,I wasn't going to listen to him
He was going to leave me alone that day
We met and I didn't even smile
It wouldn't make a difference.
I ordered a drink and I pressed play
I was giving him reasons why
He should forget me and move on

I told him
You don't want me
You don't even like me
Your mind is just playing tricks on you
I am worthless and ugly
I have never been beautiful
I once felt it
But someone I trusted
Told me I wasn't
You don't want a life with me
A life with half a woman
You see,I'm no virgin
My innocence was stolen years ago
I'm just an empty person
With frozen feelings
My own father abused me
Over and over
And my mother could do nothing
She too was a victim
I am angry and wounded
And I hate your type
Paul did it
I'll die single.

I'm sure you laughed at that
When I spoke
It made you feel good
That though you were gone
I still was your prisoner.

I cried so much
I hadn't meant to
But I did
Seated on a table at a classy restaurant
I wept like a baby
And I couldn't stop
And I couldn't walk away
I felt weak on my knees
I sat there,buried my face in my hands
I wept the more.

He sat there in silence
Passing me one napkin after the next
I don't know how many centuries it was
But I finally stopped
I looked up into his eyes
I couldn't speak
We stared into each others eyes
For what seemed like an eternity
Before we left the restaurant
No words spoken
He dropped me home
And off to bed I went.
That was the beginning of my
Happily ever after

To cut the long story short
He has loved me faithfully
Like the kiss that brought back color
To snow white's pale skin
His love has nursed me to wholeness
He introduced me to Jesus
The one I blamed for all my woes
And He has transformed me
He has given me beauty for ashes dad
I can't believe I just called you 'dad'
My life is now beautiful
With God at the throne of my life
And he by my side
I couldn't ask for more

It has been a long while
I didn't attend your funeral you know
I thought I'd actually burst out laughing
And maybe blub about your actions
You were a respectable member of the society
I walk down the aisle in a month's time
I needed to close this chapter
To start the next one well
So dad,I forgive you
I let you go
You didn't know better
Or maybe that's just
My consolation
I carried flowers for you
I actually wish you were here
To walk me down the aisle
The love of God has filled my heart
Love is all I can do.

You hurt me...real bad
But today,
I let you go.

THE DIRECTOR

Life is an ever unfolding drama.I think God has our script but we are never keen enough to look at it so we go on stage with our ignorance and we find ourselves in some scenes we have no idea what we are supposed to do and we end up feeling quite embarrassed.Some of us are better actors and actresses than others and so we are able to think on our feet and come up with something to say though it was not on the script and somehow we sail through,because God looks at us with His grace and makes it work out at the end of it still.
Drama,that's where my life falls into.My life is so full of drama at times I just wonder.Is it me or is that just my script?I don't know.What I do know is I have always pulled through even some of those scenes where I thought I was not cut out for,I have always pulled through.Yeah,my Director was not asleep when He chose me for the part He did and with His directing,I always do pull through.At times I amaze myself.I look back and I go like 'That couldn't possibly be me!'And my Director looks at me and goes like 'Well,what do you know?'With a smile,not insultingly.
There is another scene starting in my life.I am a little scared(as usual) but I look at my previous screenings and I take comfort in knowing that I am with the same Director and hence He will help me bring the best out of me.All I need to do is trust Him.It's difficult,I am fighting with my mind trying to keep afloat.Trying not to run away and delay the production but I'm scared.I have talked to my Director about it and He has said its ok.He will not leave nor forsake me and He will be with me every step of the way.He's also let me know that it is ok to be scared as long as I don't stop there.So yeah,I shall go into the studio and read my script and play my part.I may not know how it will end but it's ok,because He knows and that's all I need,really to go on.
This is a vague version.Not detailed.Maybe you will get to read the detailed version but for now,I just need you to know that this awesome Director I work with is also your Director and He is the coolest ever.So do not be afraid.Whatever it is you are going through.Whatever point of your life you are at.Don't be afraid.You can put your trust in Him and He won't let you down.
Oh,my Director,He's called God,just in case you were wondering....

writing

Wow.I need to commit to writing.Like seriously,i need to commit.i need to write more often because writing is what I am about really and it does help me figure myself out.So,yeah.I commit to write more.New year's resolution.My year.I turn 24 in 8days now.I have been doing a count down on my life and I want 24 to be a new start for me.A better,more improved me.So I have been working on me.Taking walks down memory lane to find out what baggage I need to leave behind and what stuff I need to acquire to make me better and it's working.I have learned a lot now I only need to apply my findings and I will be set.
My best friend wants to get me published.Wow!That sounds almost insane to me.Like good insane!I guess,I have been battling with, 'Will anyone really spend their time and money,to buy and read what I have written?'And another voice asks, 'Well,if you don't like what you do,then no one else will either,so its up to you but you know people love your writing.'Aaarggghhhh!It's fear.One of the demons in my closet that I am fighting.Fear of the unknown yet I will not know unless I venture into the unknown,right?So I will get serious.Do I like my writing?Yes.So that's all I need to do and I need to figure out what exactly I want to write on....No.I can't limit myself like that.Ok,if I have a specific project,then yes but I can't say I will become a romance writer or politics.Yeah,there are people who do that.They specialize.I think I love knowing I have options.Options are good.I don't like feeling like I am in a box of sorts.I like knowing that I am free.Ok,of course that does not apply to my boyfriend and I.Yeah,that would be not so good.It applies to certain things not all.So Emily,I will get my act together and will give you something pretty soon and yes the cards also.I am drawing up a plan.I need a plan.
Ummm...I don't think it will be good for me to mix this with the other writing I am thinking of so let me end here and start on another page.
Thanks.

A beautiful Monday morning

It is a beautiful Monday morning.Like it's a Monday and I am actually enjoying it.Well,could be as a result of the relaxed weekend I had with no one else but myself.Me time they call it.It actually works.Just you,lazying in the house,doing nothing much but watch a lot of movies and spend time doing what you like best,in my world,getting arty.I'm not very sure if arty is an actual english word but you get my point.
So,I walk into the office,spirits all up and head straight to the boss's office.He is supposed to give me a go ahead on a certain project I have been working very hard on.A project that could turn this company around and set it ahead of its competitors'.
"Good morning Linda.It is a fine morning,don't you agree?" She looks like she had just closed her eyes when morning came and gave me that look of 'what is so good about the morning'.I ignore it and with a broad smile on my face I lean on her desk and ask if the boss is in and if I can see him.She just nods and seems to with that the world could just leave her alone.Monday blues.
I knock ad push the door simultaneously and i find my arch rival having a chat with the boss.Now,why God decided that our paths,Natalie's and mine would forever I cross,I do not know.We were in high school together,bumped into each other in campus and for our internship,we ended up in the same company and yes,you guessed it right,we both got employed in the same company.They said the competition was good for them.At least that's two staff that they don't have to worry much about because in our bid to out do each other,we gave our best.
I don't hate her.By all means no.I just can't stand her.We both are beautiful.Both quite intelligent.Both very talented and I have to say,the competition was brought about by other people always trying to compare us and soon enough we just both couldn't stand each other.When we got employed,I thought I could be the bigger person and call it truce and have us work together.We wee never meant to be buddies,that's for sure but I for one was tired of all the competition and I wanted out even if it meant her priding in the fact i had surrendered to her.I did not care much at this point but she had other plans.Suffice to say,she did not accept to shake my hand and I left it at that,never to be bothered again.
We had been asked to come up with ideas on how to improve the ratings of the maaziee,given a time period and the idea chosen would get a very good package.So again,a race tat had arted with many,got down to Natalie and I and here she was laughing with the boss,this early beautiful,Monday morning.
"Excuse me Boss,morning.Natalie.Um,maybe I'll just come back later being that you already have company."
"It's ok Gem,Nat was on her way out."To Natalie he said, "I will think about it but I must say,I like it very much."She got up and cat walked her way out,like I cared.
Mr.Steve,our Boss,motioned me to have a seat.My smile had not left my face.Not even Natalie could take it away.I started sharing my concept and my Boss seemed a bit bothered.So I stopped and asked what the problem was.He looked at me and said that my idea was quite similar to Natalie's.I almost chocked.I had not shared this information with anyone else but my father and my.....'Please God let it not be him because...'I thought in my head.He looked at me,my boss I mean and asked who was copying who.Oh he just did not use the C word on me.That's why she had come in so early.She wanted to talk to the boss first and make it look like her idea and make me look like a fool.I told Steve," Boss,I don't know what's happening here but I can assure you this is my baby.I mean,this is not what Natalie has been presenting through out.I agree I did not give out the juiciest parts earlier on in the psentations but this is more consistent with my work than hers.Honestly sir."
She buzzed his secretary and asked for Natalie.She knew what she had done and entered the office with a sly smile.
"You asked for me?"
"Sit down Natalie," Steve said.now,i know you both come from far and competing is your thing but this is serious business right here.can you both explain to me how you have similar ideas.That' an under statement.Identical?"
He showed me Natalie's presentation and all of a sudden it was too hot.I could hardly speak.I looked at her and back at Mr. Steve and all I could say is " Sir,I don't know how she got this but I can assure you this is my work" I looked at Natalie and asked "What did you give him or threaten him with for him to betray me like this?"
"I know not what thou talketh about,"she said.She knew.Every time she was guilty,she reverted to the Shakespear English.
"Gemini," Steve called out my name.I looked at him and back at Natalie and I said, "Steve,you better not endorse this as Natalie's because the law suit that will come your way will be so huge,you will not know what hit you,"
"Are you threatening me Gemini?" Steve asked.
"No, Sir,I'm quitting.And this is just a warning.If you dare use even one little idea of my project,I shall see you in court.Oh yes Natalie,I guess your source did not tell you that I had my work copy righted.It is too good an idea to just leave it hanging around like that,you know." At Steve,"It has been a pleasure working with and for you but I must say,it's time for me to leave.I think this compan has grown too small for Natalie and I to fit."
I stood up and walked out.That was not my intention in the morning when I was knocking on Steve's door but hey,life happens,right?
A beautiful,Monday Morning indeed.

OPERATION BRING BACK A SMILE

Some days are definitely better than others.Some you wake up so full of life you can almost revive a dead one and times you just wish the sun would not rise.That the darkness would linger on longer for you are not really excited about facing the world.You are a bit dull.That's me today,the latter I mean.My moods are just up side down.I am not smiling.Got tears threatening to fall.It happens,at times,this feeling I mean.I will get over it.That much I know but the journey between where I am to where I am supposed to be isn't very interesting.Today I am glad I have God on my side because He is able to make sense out of what i cannot make sense out of.I'm not even sure I am writing correct English.Excuse me for that.Well,this is the time I should shift the focus from myself to something else.

I'm trying to think,what role can I,as an individual play,in helping the IDP's of my country and in ensuring the youth do not allow themselves to be used to fuel hatred and chaos come the next general election.See,the seed was planted and now a lot of us thin along tribal lines.Healing has not yet taken place.People have turned a blind eye but there are still so many hurting because of the violence that erupted
during the last general elections.Some were directly affected,all of us indirectly and I find myself wondering how best we can start nursing the wound until it heals.

You only need to start a political debate for you to know just how deep the injury is.It always starts on a light note and ends with tribal debate.Growing up,all I knew was that yes,there were all these different tribes but that's just about it.I knew my tribe and my friend's tribe but it had no implications.Now we have so many tags that we use jokingly but I think they increase the rate at which we notice our differences.Luos are the proud ones and those who love the finest things.Kikuyus,the business-minded community...etc Some of the labels are not things to be proud of and they may end up making someone feel bad about speaking a certain language.In this generation,even children as young as 7 years shun each other because of where they come from.Not even the children were shielded from this monster.Their childhood some what destroyed because their best friend was from a different tribe and Mum and Dad poisoned them by making comments that made them know it is not okay to have a friend from that tribe.I think of the children who saw their parents being butchered.The one I will never forget is of one woman who's family was tied up and made to watch as she was raped then killed.Her husband and children.By the time of the interview,the man was half way losing his mind.The scene kept coming to his mind.The picture of his wife,the mother of his children,his soul mate,the love of his life,his queen,being degraded so badly and him being powerless to do anything but watch in a lot of pain.I think of his children and I wonder what they think.I try to imagine the number of sleepless nights as they call out for mama but disturbing mental pictures coming to mind...

We moved on,or so we think.The IDP'S,four years down the line still live in pathetic conditions.The other day their chairman says they were praying to God asking Him not to allow the rains to pour because their tents are torn and the rain will just nit be a blessing to them.Yes,we are praying for rain but to them right now,it wold be a curse.The irony is sickening!And we have the suspects being portrayed as heroes.Money being spent by the government to fight for their own.A slap on the IDP's faces.Those whose only crime was to belong to a different tribe.The thought of it brings tears to my eyes.I want to help so badly but I'm sort of confused with where to start.Times I look at myself and wonder what I have that makes me think I can even do anything about the IDP's plight.

I am human.I am a Kenyan.I am an affected person.I have an aunt who was shot by police officers on the leg during that time.She still has a roof over her head but her limp is a constant reminder.I have a heart.I have love for my neighbor.My neighbor being anyone in need.These are more than enough reasons for me to champion this cause.What about the fake ones?Those posing to be IDP'S but are not?I don't know.God knows and He will deal with them.I cannot use that as an excuse not to do good.I tried asking a journalist who had covered a story on some of the IDP'S but I have never received a response.Well,maybe they are just too busy.So,I guess I will have to do this on my own and anyone who will be touched enough to want to make a difference.A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.Once I take that first step,I can find my way.

So,what if I start and fail?Well,we will never know until we get there right?If you read this and you get moved to do anything and you get any ideas of how we can help make a difference please feel free to share.

Operation Bring Back A Smile...That's what I will call it.

Thank you.

Moulding Beauty.

a madd crazzy world

Criticism most say is not nice.I say it depends with your intentions because hey,i could be doing that because I know you can do better and I don't want you to settle for any less.So let me do a bit of that starting with one Honorable Minister from my beloved country,Kenya.I don't know much about her other than she has lost my respect.Of course that doesn't matter to her,I mean she doesn't know me but I tell you,one dissatisfied voter can cost you a lot....Any who,in my last post,I talked about her not being very serious with life.Now I thought her saying what she said about H.I.V. positive people was crazy but well,she was only starting!Now,she is approaching her climax when she says that should the Ocampo six be convicted,the women of Kenya should strip.I read that and I was like,seriously?And she actually says that in public?There are things you just don't think aloud.Like they are illegal and this is one of such.Now,you can imagine what the IDP'S,the group she is supposedly in charge of,feel about that?She has been on their case for four years now,and I'm still wondering what good again has she done?Imagine leaving the government after five years,and all people remember of you are your half thought remarks.Pre-mature sentences.That is it.Well,we all are different and we all value different things....

Ok,so citizen's latest arrival has a commercial for her arrival.I didn't get a chance to watch it but one of the comments i heard about it is that she looks like she is advertising an escort company.Hearsay...Someone from the same company believes the desired effect has been attained.You know,get people talking and I wonder,do we have to do things poorly for us to get noticed.Ok,so you have us talking then the D-Day comes and we are not impressed....then what?Well,people have different marketing strategies,right?

This was just a break.I am a perfectionism survivor so if you are to rate anything by my standards,it would almost be suicidal but i believe we can do better.Yeah,I was trying my creativity on a play of sorts and maybe im just not there yet.I love writitng though and when I do it for fun it's even more fun...

MR & MRS/MS.POLITICIAN

Dear politicians,specifically,Kenyan Politicians,

Let me not waste much time on salutations because I am not sure i really im interested how you are doing.Why?Let me see,why be concerned with people who only think of themselves?You already have so much attention from yourself so you don't need any more.Oh yeah,the media also gives it to you though times i wish you would just be given a black out!For you to bicker around amongst yourselves and only to yourselves.Now that would be something.Any ways,Hague is here.The suspects have left,i think(i make it a point not to follow your every move too much,just know enough to go by.I'm sorry but you are not that interesting.ok,thinking about you just makes me get migranes and those are not healthy.im sorry)

Let me ask a question,if I called you for a fund raising to help the IDP's,today,would you be moved?Like would you even care to send a representative or just write a cheque and have it delivered?The other day,I saw a number of you donating towards the expenses of one of the Hague suspects.Now,I'm not by any means suggesting that you shouldn't have.I mean then where would your sense of spirit be?I'm just asking if you would extend the same kind of brotherly love to brothers and sisters living in miserable conditions because they "loved" you enough to turn their backs on the one who had always given them a pinch of salt when they were in the middle of preparing dinner then they realized their supply was out.Yeah,I don't really care who was and not involved.At the end of the day,many lost their lives and others their livelihoods because of you.So I ask again,would you be moved to be part of such a fund raising?I mean,Sang is no politician.He is just a radio presenter.I can assure you,I also have fans.So on that,he and I can be said to be at par.So would you?

Shuttle Diplomacy?Kenya is actually richer than what you make us believe.Only that the riches change hands up there and it never gets to trickle down.Why can't we have one of you just be human enough to not allow parliament rest until something is done about the IDP'S?Why can't they have a political spokes person to fight for them?I know,I am dreaming right?but if I lose hope,then I lose it all.So against all odds,I still hold on to hope.

The Minister for special programs and etc,don't you guys actually consider once personality while giving these posts?She has lost all my respect and I am pretty sure that of other Kenyans as well.Now,someone who can come up with such an idea of isolating H.I.V. positive people as a means of...I don't even know as a means of what,cannot have my respect.Yeah,human beings have weaknesses right?Well they also have God given abilities to think and weigh their actions and words.How far again has she gone with the issue of IDP's or what does her job description entail?Yes,I was affected because I may not be infected by H.I.V. but i definitely am affected.So yes,it did hurt to think a leader would come up with such an idea.It is disturbing on so many levels.

Politician,as much as we tell each other as the mwananchi that we need to take matters in our own hands,you also need to take up your responsibility.You need to being in leadership automatically grants you the power of influence.So,what are you doing with that influence?We line up to put you in a position of influence so that you can help make choices that would make our lives better but what do you do once you are there?You get sucked in into the drama called....by the way,who is the director of the drama you politicians act in?Like who writes up the script for you and all?You should one day do a show at Kenya National Theater or something.I promise you,we will come to watch and yes don't worry,we will pay for the entrance.

Can you do a collaboration to end the hatred amongst the tribes in Kenya?Like can you put your differences aside and your ambitions and actually do something for this country that will have you remembered longer?Can you promote that brotherliness amongst us by you demonstrating it?Can you tell us that yeah,politics is your job and like in marketing you need to sell your brand but that you actually love each other,ok like each other as persons?Do you think you can unite for the sake of Kenyans?I can promise you,it will make a whole lot of difference.But this is just wishful thinking right?If you do that you risk losing to your opponent,right?And that's all that matters to you.You have a following,whether we like it or not.There are Kenyans who would give their lives for you guys.Heck,they already did.But that means nothing to you,right?You see,we as Kenyans are warm and loving people.We love honestly.You think tourists love Kenya just because of the nature and all.It's also because they know we accept them without qualms.We give them a nice time because we see fellow human beings.And you have taken that to your advantage to fuel you own selfish desires.

If I had one wish,it would be that you as our leaders would actually be just that,keeping in mind that a leader is truly a servant.If I had two wishes,the second would be that you would love us as much as we love you.But if wishes were horses,then Kenyans would ride...

title will come soon enough

Bob :I don't know any easy way to say this so I'm just going to go with it and say it.

Gina:(with tears in her eyes)Please don't.I'm sorry.I don't know what I was thinking.Now I realize that I was wrong.Please don't say it.
Bob :G,it hurts me to have to do this because I love you and I am not sure if that will ever stop but for now,I cannot be with you.You are too toxic for me.Every time I look into your eyes...(he turns away from her and looks at the then setting sun)

Gina:(too ashamed has her face buried in her hands)Bob,I'm sorry.I truly am.Now I realize that it is you that I love.With or without money.I don't care if we are living in a makeshift or a mansion.As long as we are together,I know we will be ok.I will be ok.

Bob:I'm sorry Gina.I wish you found that out sooner rather than later.It's ok though.I played the fool and I got tired.Now,for both our sanity,i have to...go
(he walks towards the door without giving her another look.it always did break him to see her tears.)

Gina:Bob!Bob!please don't go.Please don't leave me alone.Bob,i will simply die without you.This thing will now kill me faster.I have no more reason to fight.Bob...
(her cries were only heard by the walls of her house that now felt freezing cold.)

*************************************************************************************

Who's the fairest of us all?....................

Classic 105,Maina and King'ang'i at times just make my morning!Not they directly but the discussions they come up with,and my fellow Kenyans with their responses!At times I am in a matatu and I laugh so much it scares me.King'ang'i of course does not help situations much with his input and another character who has become one of my favorites,like I seriously look forward to his call is Wakanai(excuse my spelling)!He is a male chauvanist who believes the man is some sort of treasure that women should hold very carefully.I mean the other day they had a discussion about a a woman who's husband had helped her in securing a cool job,then later he lost his,borrowed some 250,000to start a business.She willingly obliged.Did I mention it was given to him as a loan and now that the business isn't doing that well,she sort of wants her money back?The poor brother isn't being talked to,his conjugal rights denied.He has been reported to muns from both sides ie his and her mum.The house is like a war zone!

I smiled at myself that day as I kistened to people's comments.Why?Someone told me that one thing he has been taught is never to touch a woman's money,even if it's your wife's.Never ever.Like it's a no go zone!As a man,do your part and leave the woman out of it.Ladies,are we these bad when it comes to our cash?Like really? So,Wakanai called in and said that's ma crap(one of his fav words)He was for the idea that the wife should even add the guy Kshs500,000!Then,what cracked me up is when he said that when it comes to Kenyan women,living with Gadaffi is so much better.Like for real.We are now worse than one of the worst dictators ever?Wakanai,you got a fan right here!

So,today's topic was based on another caller's input from yesterday's discussion who is for the idea Kissi women are not beautiful.According to him,they are a handful!Today I was just shocked!I know a number of Kisii ladies who are very beautiful(someone just whispered that those are the handful)Shame on you!Any way,that is so not cool.And apparently Kamba's have very beautiful ladies.While on those topic,I pride myself in being gorgeous(you are free to think otherwise).I meet these group of guys sometime back and we chatting and all then one of them goes like "you are very pretty"I;m like thank you.Then somewhere in the conversation,the fact that I come from the lakeside region arises and they are stupified for lack of a better word.And they go like "We have never met a beautiful Luo girl" Now I am very offended.What does where I come from have anything to do with my looks?Maybe there is something I am missing.Does it really have any influence?And if it does,how?

Now I believe we all are beautiful.In our own way,we are beautiful.In the eyes of God we are gorgeous.I would love for us all to uphold this fact but truth is human beings are different and there is no one day we will all agree on the same thing.Ok of course Halle Berry's case is different.I think the world over agrees that she is gorgeous!Ok,now,Samantha Mumba sang about not needing anyone to tell her she's pretty for her to know she is beautiful and that at the end of the day is the attitude we should all have.Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and charity begins at home.Appreciate yourself just as you are.Love yourself and know that you are beautiful and whoever does not see that beauty,there is something wrong with either their eyes or their view.It is not your problem so do not try to sort it!Psalm 139:14 is one of my favorite verses.It tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.That means God took time with me.He did not say let there be,He took His time to mould and shape me and when He was done,He saw that "it is good".Now God giving a stamp of approval is like major news.So who's reprt will you believe today?As long as you are comfortable in your own skin,it does not matter what everyone else says or thinks!

You are a jewel,you are a treasure,you are one of a kind,and you shine just as bright as the stars in the sky,you're a rare kind of wonder created just right so keep your head up no matter the pain,there's nothing about you that's plain.

THE LONG WAIT

I take a look at my wrist watch.So much time has passed I am even shocked I'm still awake,yet,no sign of him?Where is he?Did he not get my many texts and calls that went un answered?Is he ok?I am over myself with worry.I know not what to think.This wait has been so long I feel a bit lost.Many have come and gone,with me at the same place,holding on to hope.Every time I want to leave,I think,'what if he comes and finds me gone?'I wait.It is almost twenty four hours gone,yet no sign of him,not even a message to know if he is on his way.It's cold and im freezing.No,I did not think of carrying a sweater.How was I to know he would stand me up?He seemed enthusiastic when we last talked so I figured he was equally excited but I think I have been sailing in this boat alone.Maybe just with a mirage.Now I'm wet.The rain showered me and I am dripping wet.I get it now.I think.The rain does drown my tears.24hours of waiting,you can't say I did not try.You can't say I did not wait.It breaks me as I walk alone in the dark streets...Castles in the air is what I'd build and now I see them crumble down...It hurts.It pains.The truth always hurts...A car pulls over.I care not to stop or turn for I knew it couldn't possibly be him.Footsteps behind,catching up.Should I be afraid?A thief maybe?My heart is already cold.They can do whatever.I care not.He stands in front of me.Forces me to stop.I look at him blankly.He puts his court around my shoulders.He leads me to his car.I resist not.I am a wounded soul.The warmth feels nice.I smile.For the first time in24 hours.Someone noticed me.It felt good.My lost thought.Eyes close....

silent break up

what do you say?
when he looks into your eyes
his wet with tears
yours blank in wonder
wanting,needing an answer
the why,how and when?
it's over is all you know
somewhere it died,
you lost it.
you let go.
he didn't
different pages of the same book
his only beginning
you placing a full stop
what do you say?
you never meant to hurt me
he didn't mean to hurt you
involuntary hurting it is
one moved on
one held on
so what do you say?
him not understanding
you not willing
not wanting to speak
not sure what's fit.
silence
it breaks him
it breaks you
silence
it kills him
it strangles you
silence
he dries his eyes
he looks at you
one last time
he gives you a peck
he walks away
doesn't say goodbye
but walks away
tears in your eyes now
it stings too much
he disappears
reality sets in
its over
officially
a done deal.
beautiful memories
a chapter closed
you dry your eyes
you walk away.....

Moulding Beauty: ???????????

Moulding Beauty: ???????????

???????????

She looked at my eyes with tears streaming down her face.Her eyes seemed to search mine.Hoping to read what it is that was going through my mind but i guess blankness is all she saw.I knew not what to think,what to say.Not after what she had told me.Was I mad,disappointed?A mixture of both or more?I did not know.I just wished the few past minutes had not happen.I was doing more harm to her.So i got a hold of myself,managed to look at her but nothing.No words left my mouth.I did not know where to start.I gave her a hug.Held her so tightly I almost chocked her and just held her.For a very long while and then tears.I also started crying.It stung too much for me to pull a Jack Bauer.The news affected me.It hurt me.

We pulled away from each other and after another century,I was able to speak.And kind words they were not.It's not that it was not coming,what,with the kind of life she was living?Hoping from one man to the other and not because she had to.She just decided she was too pretty to contract H.I.V.and no level was wisdom could get through to her.Who did not warn her?It hurt me because she is my friend and I love her,very much and I did not approve of what she was doing with her life but nothing could stop her.That's what we all concluded and well,it was her life and she had every right to decide how to live her life only i found it selfish because she did not stop to consider the people she hurt with her decision.You see,no man is an island and hence,we need to be a bit sensitive with those around us.Not to the extent of living their lives but just care enough to be considerate.And here she was,looking at me not for judgment but for compassion....to be cont...

The disease of ill talk

Gossip.I find myself wondering why we love it so much?I mean,it is such a cheapening activity like why would princes and princesses want to lower their standards by wasting precious time to bad mouthing a fellow royalty?Well, i had my fair share of being the target of gossip for a whole three years of what was meant to be my most fun moments.I don't know why my schoolmates;most of them,hated me with such a passion but they did and they made life for me hell on earth but i survived.Thanks to my heavenly Father.Oh don't be fooled,i was a drowning man clutching at a straw and whoever said words couldn't kill maybe he was right but they sure can lead you to kill...even yourself.So,after high school i decided you would have to be pretty mega creative for you to bring me down with words because i heard the worst case scenario in high school but you are very much welcomed to try...

There's this song by Keri that i wish was released back in the days because it would have been a dedication...don't hate me coz i'm beautiful.Like seriously,it's not like it is my fault and now i know better and no i am not apologetic for the way I was awesomely created and neither should you and if anyone has a problem,ask them to pick it up with God!I;m just saying.

So,where is all these coming from?Well,i work and where i work there are other businesses around and i ended up having a scuffle with one of my neighbors.The details of the scuffle are not juicy enough to be printed but oh my,haven't i become the talk of say four five grown ups?Woah,and I know,I am born again.forgiveness.Love.Doesn't mean though that I have to associate with people who are not adding anything positive to my life now does it?I doubt.I'm not mad at them,I only know better than to associate with them.So,they were the inspiration but this is not about them.This is about gossip and why we love it.

I remember complaining to my sister about all the gossip and you know what she told me?Get used to it.This is just the tip of the ice berg.There's still more to come.She also told me that when you act affected,you make it even more interesting for rumor mongers.Her antidote,walk with your head held high and say hi when you meet them on the streets like you just don't care because you really don't.Ok,so let's say what they are saying is true,so what?If you go cry and whatever it won't change the facts.Ok,i get it.It isn't the kind of stuff you would be proud to have Oprah interview you on but hey,what the heck.Who is perfect anyway and who is it that does not have hidden skeletons in the closet?What if it's not true?Now this is the time to bring out your diva attitude!And be the best diva you can be while at it.

Truth of the matter is that people will always talk.Sad as it is,there is a select group that is very comfortable acting cheaply so the best we can do for them is pray that they will one day see the light and realize just how so much more they are worth but until that day happens,let them be.Do not bother them and do not let them bother you.I'm just saying.

You see people who gossip,one,don't have anything much to do with their time.Second,there is something about you that just amazes them and since they can't be you and they are not brave enough to tell you what amazing legs you have,they will start trashing your short skirts dressing.Why would you want to be bothered with someone else insecurities?Don't you have enough of your own?People who sit down to trash another are people who are cowards and live in dream land.I mean,look at the list of people you have ever bad mouthed and you will notice a certain trend.There is always a hint of jealousy there,whether you admit it or not.And,is your life so boring and your victim's life so much more interesting that you would take time out of your day to talk about them?I mean,you couldn't be talking about something boring that much now could you?Maybe I just come from a different school of thought but I don't see how you would find me talking on end about something that is boring to me?

Anyway,gossip is here to stay because it seems we will always have insecure,cowardly people so you better learn to deal with it.And dealing with it is by not caring about what others say because at the end of the day,like earlier said,man is to err.So live life to the fullest.Enjoy yourself and have fun.If something terrible happens,just go like,oops!and move on.

Lovely day y'all.

OF BROKEN PROMISES

Pieces is all i have left
Of what was a fairy tale

You came and blew me off my feet
Not realistically
But you made my heart beat race
Your smooth words slippery
And fall i eventually did
In love with you.

Cinderella I was
With a combination of snow white
The first time you touched my lips
I thought my life would cease to be
In your arms I melted
And before long
I lived for you

You made promises beautiful and big
Times I thought you just a dreamer
You always knew what to say
To keep me locked in the spell you'd made
My tears you never allowed to fall
You loved me too much
At least that's what you said

My life to you I had betrothed
No one else stood a chance
Suitors came from far and wide
My back to them I always turned
I had my man and he was my soul mate
If only fairy tales were true

I saw you holding hands
But my hand it was not
I saw kiss my lips
But tingly feeling was not in me
I saw you smile
Only not at me
I felt my heart break
As a sword you plunged in it

I waited for you to come
For an explanation from you
My eyes were red from tears
My heart ached,i thought id die

Come you did,
With a glow about you
My eyes told you something
You chose not to interfere
I asked quietly of she
Who seemed at home in your arms
A friend you said she is
And on your way you were

The next time you came I was gone
I was in love but no fool
Call me selfish but share you I cannot
One man,one woman
That was God's plan

The promises you made now shattered
I go through them and my heart keeps breaking
A castle in the air I had built
Now I watch it tumbling down
I wish you hadn't made me believe you
Then maybe this wouldn't hurt so bad...

MB

FRIENDSHIP LOST

Today I take a walk
Down Memory Lane
As images flash in my mind
Of what used to be.

I can hear your laughter
That laughter that was contagious
I find myself smiling
The effect you had still there

A few more steps and tears
Not understanding why you're no more
Not departed for the land of no return
Just gone from my life

I try to think and question
No answers i find easily
Like a gray area or matter
No clear explanations

One day you were
The next you were gone
Leaving in to wonder and wander
Holding on to the memories of yesterday

I reached a stop and sat
Remembering the long days and slow nights
Life without you was a dread
With time,the wounds healed

The scars though still remain
A reminder of what was but is no more
I wish I could turn back the hands of time
Then maybe my friend you'd still be.

I stand and continue with my walk
Realizing reality knew you not
I picked a flower along the way
Threw it in the air with a blown kiss

You were once a part of me
You left without a trace
In my heart a room you have
In my life forever lost...

DON'T CONFUSE ME WITH YOU.

The importance of having a theme in life is very important,more so for a writer.You need some sort of direction otherwise you may lose your readers when everything is jumbled up that at the end they do no not have a clue about what you were talking about in the first place!I am a culprit.Guilty as charged of times just writing without any order.I'm gonna try and up grade that.

Someone once said that a wise person will not wait to make all the mistakes before he can learn but he watches others and also learns from their mistakes.Truth of the matter being,you do not have such a long life and secondly,some mistakes once done,the lesson come with consequences you'd wish you had learned from another because as the wisest man concluded,there indeed is nothing new ynder the sun!

Relationships.We love them.We all are always on the look out for the "right" partner.I don't know if they come with stickers on their forehead with one's name on it.I mean,how do you know when Mr. or Miss right comes along,when you never give yourself time to know anyone?Or maybe you have hopes that Angel Gabriel will decide to play cupid and visit you in a dream...Anyway,we all have our styles and methods of getting things done and whatever works for you,by all means go by it.Note that this concerns come from a heart full of concern.I don't know.Could be because there is he I have met and my world feels at ease?You know the way one you are bit by the love bug,you just want everyone else to experience that because it's such an amazing feeling you start wondering how you even survived without for such a long time...Depending of course,on when you get bit.Ok,this had nothing to do with me.The inspiration for this was something totatlly different.Something I have observed;with some married couples and woe unto me if I should take the same path once I join that league!

So,let me make the assumption that if you are married,you have your Mr. and Mrs Right beside you.OK,Maina and King'ang'i had a debate the other day that made some marriages look like they just happened without much consent.It's like you were single one day and the next day,pap!You was married.And I wonder,if you had a wedding,who was planning that wedding?I mean,were you subconscious the whole time and only gained consciousness once you were man and wife?I don't know.I'm just trying to understand that concept and the more I think about it,the more I think that if you are in a marriage that you are now regretting,it is because you entered that relationship with selfish desires and now probably,the selfish desires have been met so you really do not see the use of this person any more.Just saying.Don't shoot me down.Any way,what do I know?I haven't been married even for a second so let me drop that.

What does it take in a marriage to be totally trusting of your partner.What I have observed is that some strains in marriages and maybe relationships as well,are brought about by doubt.Times it is because the doubting partner is doing what he is doubting the partner of or past experiences that we hold on to so dearly you would think they are the source of our oxygen.I mean,why do we always end up so hang up on the past yet all it does is steal from us our present joys and beauties?I don't know and that is one of the things that make human beings very special beings!

Ever heard a cheating spouse go like "You pushed me into it.You were always questioning me even when there was nothing happening that I decided,'why not get crucified for a mistake than being prosecuted an innocent man?'"The more I observe the more I realise this can be true because that's how I deal with some things.I reached this point in my life where I decided,'If you already have an opinion about me and you treat me as per your opinion,I won't ask for a trial to prove myself to you.I will not prove you wrong.'It is a deadly attitude to have and you must use it as the last resort and you need to be sure you can handle the many different opinions otherwise you just may be trapping yourself.But that is a story for another day.

See,if you are having an affair,it means you usually lie a number of times.You say you have a meeting at work,when in reality,the meeting is at a hotel room with your clande.So,when your otherwise faithful partner tells you they have a meeting,which is the honest truth,you find it hard to believe,not because of him but because of you.Because that is what you do,you ultimately start doubting,even though this man has never given you reason to doubt.It is your own guilt playing tricks on you.

This is not direct to victims of unfaithful partners,it is more directed to those who are unfaithful and hence end up thinking that everyone who says what they say is ultimately thinking.Times,there is nothing wrong with the world but everything wrong with your eyes or point of view.So,when you find yourself too quick to complain about everyone and everything,before you point a finger,go see your 'optician' first and ensure your eyesight is in perfect condition.Just saying...

Be sure not to let your past,guilt or any of those things be the reason for the break up of a beautiful relationship.Let your fears not run your life,instead face them and deal with them.I think if couples talked more,a lot of the drama marriages have nowadays would die.Communication is very important and those close to me know just how dear it is to me.I discovered its powers at an early age.I now know that with communication,every crease can be straightened out but now again the other problem is,do I trust this person with the truth?Because in communication,it means I will call up my man,tell him we need to talk and tell him I'm having this fear that he... We will have to be in the same level to know that I am not accusing him but simply stating my fears...

Communication in a relationship is a wide topic and I am not at the point yet,where I am being paid to write,so I need to go and do what actually pays me and allows me t have the finances to access the web and write.Lol.Have a lovely day!

RELATING GOD'S WAY 1

Good morning.Hope you are doing well.I'm far from well,I am fantastic.So,you may read this months or even years from now but isn't it such an awesome thing that words are imperishable?Today I started my day early and it started with a talk with my heavenly Father that has left me feeling so fresh and rejuvinated.I believe I am going to have an awesome day.

Today I choose to talk about a topic that we all love,relationships,but I am going to look at it from a different aspect that I believe we know of but just choose to ignore.Dating,courting,God's way.Yes,God has His way about how we should handle our relationships and specifically here,boy girl relationships.

I had made up my mind as I was joining high school that I was not going to 'date' and I did survive.Not to say I didn't have crushes and all but I just never committed to anyone and looking back now,I wish I had remained as focused after high school but stuff happen.If I knew the real meaning of dating though,I think I would have been ok.Now dating should be all about meeting and getting to know someone with no strings attached.Like you can date five people at the same time with no strings attached.I believe that God has someone for everyone,if it is your desire to get married and I also believe He being so good did not plan for us to get our heart broken fifty times before we finally get the One.I think we are just way too impatient and so we hurry things and hence the proverb,hurry hurry has no blessing.Now,I am not expecting a clap or a standing ovation after this,I am simply stating things the way I see them.You may choose to agree or disagree with me.It's all good.

A brief history of my life with boys.I think for the longest time I used them for my own selfish reasons without really knowing.Now,when I started going out with guys,what we otherwise call dating,I didn't realize it but I did it simply because my self esteem was down and I needed someone to sort of keep me going.That I am beautiful,is a fact and I am not bragging here.So I somehow always had guys interested in me.It was flattering,when beauty is all you have to live by,lets just say it takes all your attention.Now,I don't know if these guys knew my heart and thought it beautiful or it was all physical and frankly,at that time,I cared less.Most of these relationships were physical.You decide you are going out only for your meetings to always be make out sessions.You meet up for lunch,you enjoy the food,watch a movie or two the make out.Making out was the main thing.I think it worked for me because it kept me from talking about my emotions and the real issues of life and at the same time it gave a false idea of closeness that was only physical.

I am a born again someone and even back then I was but does that really hold any water in today's world?Do we really give God a thought when we are there with that someone we like,in a room alone?I doubt it.I would think about it.Think how God did not approve of it but what the heck,He has to understand I am human and I am not perfect and I have feelings and the list goes on forever!Now though,I know that when God requires purity of us,it is not for His sake,but our very own.Yes.See,God is a good God and His plans for us are good and I doubt broken hearts are good so I doubt they come from God.I can promise you,right now,making out is somewhat disgusting.I do not like it.I do not enjoy it.Given,when you make out you are basically fulfilling the desires that you have allowed to be aroused but there is nothing special in it any more.I think over doing something kills the beauty of it.Currently,if I make out with a guy,it kills any sparks there was.That is how bad it is.Given,I am still a virgin and proud of it but I have not kept myself totally pure either.

Writing keeps me sane.I write best when I speak from the heart.This may go a long way to helping just one person and its ok.I stopped writing for multitude or recognition.If you are still as pure as you were born.Don't know what a kiss tastes like or what a touch in some places can do to you,you are so much better off that way.Ask those who have gotten married without a prior knowledge of sex and its children(foreplay etc) how beautiful it is.And ask they who have had multiple sexual relationships how plain it is.

I have work to go to.I shall continue this later.Have a lovely day.

NEW YEAR NEW THINGS...

2011 is here with us.I started it quite well i should say.At least i was with some of my close pals so that made it special and oh yes I was also bitten by the resolution bug and I have mine.My theme for last year was this too shall pass and indeed it worked for me.This year I'm all about building foundations.Foundations for my life,as a person.This year is when I sort of want to lay down a plan for my life and the first things on my list are my talents.To work on them and build an establishment for them hence I shall be writing more because writing is one of the things I do best.And no.not writing so that I may bee applauded-that is the wrong motivation to do anything.Writing because I know this is one of the ways I can make my contribution to the world.Doing it with an aim of improving someone's life somehow.So,this year,we are taking writing very seriously and my cards business also needs to come out of being a pastime activity and have my full activity.

Let me talk a bit about commitment.When was the last time you committed yourself to anything?You see,being committed means doing something even when it feels too tiring or boring.It is seeing something to the end regardless of the challenges.When you are committed to something,you do not quit.You keep doing it until you get it done.Why do people fail in exams?It's not because they are not sharp,far from it.It is largely because they are not committed to their school work.They handle it as per how they feel on a specific day.Why are our relationships not lasting six months?Well,we are not committed to them.We take them casually.When tough times come,we run or hide because there is a lack of commitment.Why do we have affairs happening left,right and center?A lack of commitment to our partners.Yes you love him but of you are not committed to him,when that other man starts giving you more attention you find yourself drifting.When you are not committed you are somewhat loose,for lack of a better word.You just go with the flow because you are not grounded.When you commit yourself to something or someone,you give it your best shot.You know its importance and not for a minute do you undermine it.

So,I have decided I am going to commit myself to my talents,my work school and relationships.In my writing,I will draft something daily even when it does not seem to make sense.I will still write.When it comes to the cards,I will make designs even though when I look at them I wouldn't buy them to save myself,I will still do it.At work,I will look for all the resources I can land my hands on to learn more about what I am doing to improve myself.In my relationships,I will invest my time.I will find out about my friends and how they are doing.I will cultivate the relationships.I think for the first say three months of 2011,COMMITMENT is what I will be practicing and learning and make sure it becomes a part of me.that whatever I do,I shall be committed to it.Let everyone who meets me this year have one thing to say about me,'She is committed to whatever she does.'

I know not what your resolutions for the year are.Just make sure they are SMART.Specific,Manageable(i think)Attainable,Realistic,Time bound.Correct me if I am wrong.And,I realized,you don't have to wait for a new year for you to make adjustments in your life.You make the adjustments the moment you realize something you are doing is not helping you be the best you can be.You work on it then.

It is a beautiful Sunday morning.I need to get ready for church.P/s:I will also work on learning more about technology.I am a bit blonde when it comes to that.lol.Have yourself an awesome day and may you live each day as if it was your last.May you give of yourself to the things you love and may love and joy and peace be your stalkers for the rest of the year,or until I get something different to wish you.

Take care.

xoxo

Moulding Beauty.