ABUSE IS NOT OK..YOU ARE MUCH BETTER...

I heard over the radio one morning about a 25 year old married girl(she got married at 18)who's husband abuses physically.She said he did worse!That she knows he could kill her but she is going nowhere.She loves him.He is the first man she loved.I wanted to go where she was.Slap her to reality and get her out of that place by force but all I could do was just get angry and pray for moulding beauty's dream.

Many of us ladies in abusive relationships will tell concerned parties that they don't understand.They don't know just how this man is our oxygen and how we cannot possibly live without him.Wait?So,did he come and find you dead,like snow white,then by a kiss you came back to life and now you feel you owe him your life?Just asking.I guess I get mad about abused women who stay and stomach it because I sort of have an idea of what it's like to be used and abused.Now,abuse,whether it's from your man or friends is still abuse.Abuse cripples you.Abuse cripples then blinds you into believing that the abuser is your crutch,the one to support you.So you swallow the lie and you stay,because he or she is supposedly,the crutch you need,after he or she has broken you.

You stay because you believe that you don't deserve better.You stay because you are afraid of being alone.You stay because you think they will change.One day they will see the light,like Saul on his way to Damascus and they will be transformed to Paul and becoming loving and your prince charming...Seven years and still no change but you keep hoping.Yet when God asks us to wait for just a month or so,we are so agitated we go and do things our way.So why would you have so much patience with evil and not good?An abuser's strength is in knowing you are going nowhere.That's his spinach that gives Popeye muscles.And oh he will make sure you believe that.He will demean you by the name calling,by embarrassing you before his and sometimes your friends.He will do it so often that you end up believing it and once you believe it,it's like a spell.It's like you have been hypnotized and he is the one who has the magic wand!

So am I know advocating for a divorce?Not really.Just leave one day.Just pack your bags and leave.Go back to mama or somewhere.Just get out of that toxic place and don't tell him either.Or,you can leave him a note saying,"If you think I'm worth more than a punching bag,you will find me".It scares them I tell you.It causes a major shift in their worlds;an imbalance of sorts.They never saw that coming.They get angry.Very enraged.Because abusing you gives them some sort of power,now you have taken that away and they feel helpless.It will be hard but stay away.Give him space to think.Allow him to go through the motions of the emotions.Let him deal with his demons,away from you.And I promise you,the day you stand up for yourself,the day you will say enough is enough and not care if you will die single and just stand up for yourself.That is when your strength will come.That is when the spell will lose its power.That is when you will step outside and realize just how beautiful the sun feels on your skin after believing that it only burns you...It's like a breath pf fresh air and though you may have tears in your eyes,you will realize,there is a better world.

All you've got to do sweetheart is love yourself enough.Once you love yourself enough,you will know that you are worth so much more and that if he is too blind to see it,then he better go to hospital and get checked and treated and come back to you whole.Sweetheart,if you love yourself enough,you will not allow yourself to be some body's object,to be used at his convenience.When you love yourself,you will know what you deserve and that is nothing but the best and you will not settle for anything less.Set the standards for yourself honey.Let him match your game by upping his or let him walk.Confidence is sexy to men and only a man will approach a confident woman.A total man I mean.A man who knows his business.A man who knows quality when he sees it.A weak man will not dare come close to you and so you see,by loving yourself enough,you reduce the number of suitors and are left with those who will be able to handle you.

Don't let a man think that he is your everything.Don't allow him room to think that he can do anything and get away with it.Let him know though that you love and respect him but you would not think twice about walking out that door if he treats you any less than a princess because you are one.No I'm not talking about infidelity here.I'm mainly talking about physical which always leads to emotional abuse.You are worth so much more and oh how it breaks God's heart,when He sees you being treated like that.

Mine was not a man.Mine was by friends.Who treated me like a door mat.I had low self esteem.No I did not even have self esteem and so I needed someone else to define me.Someone else to give me worth.I did not trust God enough to do that and didn't I suffer or what?You know what they are doing is wrong.Other people see it and they tell you but you still stay.They go and trash your name,you get mad for a while,they pretend how sorry you are and because you are desperate and empty and fearful,you buy into the lie,knowing very well it is a lie.The tears I shed to God?And I love Him because He never left me.Every night when I called on Him to cry out my heart He was always there.He kept reminding me I was worth so much more but He never hurried me.He knew He had already planted the seed and now was just watering it and soon it would sprout.And sprout it did.One day I just stopped.I stopped hanging out with them.I walked away and guess what,I did not die.I'm still here and so much better.I had enough and they had taken everything.I had nothing to lose and so I walked.And to my surprise,there were so many lovely people who treated me so well I was wondering why I had wasted myself.Wow,it took a while to forgive them.But I don't want them as my friends.Acquaintance maybe but not my friends.

I have unfortunately,also allowed men to walk all over me.Mine has been the emotional kind.You know where you clearly adore a man but he will talk to you when he feels like?Eeehh,I also have a schedule.If I have to fit in yours then you will also have to fit in mine.At first you may not notice it but if you are a thinker like me.If you like analyzing things,then you are likely to catch on the trend before you get too involved.I always have time for you and when I don't,I make it but you,don't even make an effort.Well,if someone sees you as an option and you had them as a priority,it does not take forever to change those position.You don't need to go get an abstract.You just switch.It may take a while getting used to but with discipline to your new course,he becomes an option and before long,you don't even think about him any more.I have learned to embrace my mistakes and learn from them.I will tell myself"Girl friend you tripped...You liked him too much you almost did not notice..." And I will smile at my tripping,pick myself up,make changes and walk on.I'm not embarrassed to say I was a fool.I don't lick my wounds,I treat them.

Daily I am learning of my worth.Just how awesome and expensive I am.And daily I am letting go of people who don't see me as the princess I am.I do realize though that how the world sees me is a reflection of how I see myself.So I am upping my game.I ma saying that I will treat myself like the most precious stone ever,because I am.You will never find another like me so...I may fall sometimes.Like the other day I allowed you to treat me bad but my beauty is that I get back up and what does not kill you,makes you stronger if you choose not to let it break you.I don't pity party.OK maybe I do,alone but I am no longer afraid of my weaknesses.I flaunt them.Do what you will with them.You teach people how to treat you.So if you treat yourself well,others will follow suit.If you treat yourself like trash...don't expect the world to see you differently.

It all comes back to you.The ball is always on your court.Make the rules as you go. Remember,you are a jewel,you are treasure,you are one of a kind and you sine just as bright as the stars in the sky you're a rare kind of wonder created just right.keep your head up no matter the pain.there's nothing about you that's plain.